Monitoring kids' activity online

I keep seeing these commercials for Mojave, some kind of computer software that claims to allow parents to monitor everything their kids do online. It's made me think a lot about this, because the concept bothers me but I also know that it's very murky because it's such new ground. Parents at the moment did not grow up with the Internet; their kids are the first generation who will not be able to remember a time before it. So of course everyone is kind of muddling through without even the example of what their parents did to guide them.

Still, I find things like this to be distasteful. In the same way that I wouldn't read my kids' diaries, or eavesdrop on their phone conversations, or spy on them in any other way, I find it inappropriate and invasive to be so intrusive on your kids' activity online.

But it's a bit deeper than that. I know it's scary because kids can encounter anyone online, people they would likely not encounter in the course of their daily lives, and can give away information that they really should not be giving away. I can understand that instinctive reaction. But I think that by watching everything your kids do online, instead of teaching them to make smart choices for themselves, you're just eroding the trusting relationship between the two of you, and setting them up not to be able to make reasonable choices for themselves later on. Unless you're going to follow your kids around college and beyond, at some point they're going to be out in the world, where they could encounter scary and malicious people, and they're going to have to be able to protect themselves.

Plus, I think that the online community provides a lot of value to people of all ages. You as blog readers already know how much we can all get out of being online. As well, as the internet grows and becomes more sophisticated, there are more targeted sites and communities for people of different ages and with different interests. It's not just a big mass of people on ICQ and Bolt anymore. This means that kids are less likely to stumble onto inappropriate sites out of boredom and will be more likely to stick with age-appropriate stuff that interests them and is easily accessible.

I remember how my mother told me, once we got the internet at our house when I was in middle school, that I wasn't allowed to talk to people I hadn't met online because she felt that it was a waste of time. Obviously, having met my husband online, I can say that I disagree with that statement. But I also feel that meeting people online at a younger age can be beneficial as well. It's a way for your child to expand her horizons, to encounter people with different perspectives, and also a way for her to connect with people that she may not know in her own small town or small school. If she's learning a language, maybe she can connect with a native speaker of that language online.

In general, my feeling on kids and the internet is that it's something that needs to be talked about openly, in an age-appropriate manner. If your kid is old enough to be doing things online on their own, they should be old enough to understand the potential ramifications of what they're doing. I don't see why you can't explain to your child what online actions are risky, lay some ground rules, offer some suggestions, and make her aware that if she ever has a question or a concern, she can always talk to you about it. And then trust her from there, as you would in any other area of her life.

If your child does exhibit dangerous behaviors or poor judgment, online or off, or if they seem to have an internet addiction, that's another story. But as long as you don't have reason to mistrust your kids, I don't see why you should be checking out their every keystroke.

What do you think? If you do have kids, how do you approach this issue? If you don't, how do you think you would?