Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Dear Torsten, volume 2

Dear Torsten,

Exactly two years and one day ago, we went on our first date. The day was rainy, gray, and cool, and I wore a denim skirt and a striped sweater. You wore jeans and a patterned button-down shirt that I have since convinced you to retire, since it violates not just my sense of fashion but also my ability to see without my eyes burning. Luckily, the date was great anyway.


During the first year that we were together, several people who knew my family told me that you reminded them of my dad. It used to drive me crazy. Not that I don't love my dad, but I don't think anyone likes the implication that they're marrying my father. And plus, I knew that you weren't just like my dad, even if they didn't. But in this past year, I don't think one person has made that comparison. Perhaps they've gotten to know you better and seen the myriad ways that you aren't like him, or like anyone else. I tend to be cynical, and I believe that there are so many people in the world that nobody is actually unique, but you are my exception: there is nobody else in the world like you.


In the past year, I have been to Germany with you twice to visit your parents, and I learned so much about you in the process. I saw where you came from and met the people who influenced your childhood. I watched you in your former home and I understood why you loved it, and also why you chose to leave. I went with you to the North Sea in November, and even though I thought the cold might kill me, I understood why you love it so much. At least, once we were back in our cozy hotel room (with the German tradition of two twin beds attached to one headboard... perfect for that romantic getaway we'd been envisioning) listening to the wind howl safely outside the window, as opposed to right through my skin into my internal organs: THEN I understood why you love it so much. I would love to go back there with you in the summer. I love that we have our whole lives of summers to go to the North Sea, or anywhere else we choose, together.


When I first lost a significant amount of weight and shrunk out of all of my clothes, I was really reluctant to buy more. I didn't think they would fit for long and the cost of all those new clothes, especially the work wardrobe, was not appetizing. I walked around wearing skirts that hung off me like sacks until you talked some sense into me and forced me to spend a few hundred dollars on some desperately-needed, proper-fitting clothing. And not only that, but you, you who are allergic to shopping, you walked around the Herald Square Macy's with me for well over an hour, offering opinions and suggestions and carrying everything I was going to try on. And you pushed me to hand over our credit card when I nearly fell at the last hurdle. You didn't even flinch when you saw the final total. Although I certainly did enough flinching for both of us.


When we first moved in together, I wasn't much of a cuddler. You won me over slowly, but I still always needed my own, untouched space when it came time to actually go to sleep. But recently, according to you, I've fallen asleep in your arms multiple times. I would suspect you of exaggerating about that, except that I've actually woken up in your arms a couple of times, so I know it's true. I never would have thought that somebody could change me so fundamentally. And I'm sorry that I make your arm hurt when I fall asleep lying on it--and that you refuse to move your arm away because you're too afraid that I'll never fall asleep while cuddling again. Here's a bit of advice: By now, I'm pretty sure it will happen again. It's really OK to move your arm before it feels like it's actually going to fall off.


Twenty-four days from now, I will put on a big (off-)white dress and vow to spend my life loving you. I'm excited to do that. But in reality, we don't need those public promises to make it happen. No matter what, whether or not you wanted me to, whether or not I swore it in front of our loved ones, I would spend my life loving you. There's just no other option.

Love,
Jess

41 comments:

  1. I'm just so happy for you guys. You should frame this for him!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Jess, that is beautiful. I'm wiping away tears and sniffing ungracefully. Best wishes to you two. You really are a beautiful couple.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is really quite lovely. And so perfect - and so exciting, considering the big day is coming up so soon.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This made me happy. Also, EVERYTHING about that second picture is PERFECT.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh man. You are too cute, you two.

    I love the one of you guys on the park bench. Looks like a postcard!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is so great! I can't wait until you two are married.

    ReplyDelete
  7. that actually gave me shivers.

    (but damn it girl, you're stealing all the lines I wish I could think of!)

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is the sweetest love letter. I got a little teary!

    I am thrilled for the both of you that you found that kind of love.

    ReplyDelete
  9. that was so sweet. you two look so happy.

    ReplyDelete
  10. awwww! that was gorgeous. hooray for you guys :-)

    ReplyDelete
  11. That was just perfect. Congrats on your anniversary!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Beautiful. You gave me goosebumps, Jess.

    Wishing you and Torsten all the best in 24 days and beyond!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ah, 24 days! I'm so excited for you two and so glad you've found someone who makes you feel like this.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is such a sweet letter. You guys seem great together. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. This was so sweet!! I even teared up a little.

    You both seem so happy and make a great couple! I can't believe your wedding is only 24 days away!!! =)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Darn you. I'm at work. And now I'm crying.

    ReplyDelete
  17. So sweet! And 24 days - that is unreal.

    ReplyDelete
  18. oh wow! This is so moving. Beautiful. I hope all goes well this last month!

    ReplyDelete
  19. That is absolutely beautiful! I'm so happy for you.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Jess, this was simply beautiful. What a wonderful love story you two have.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh how beautiful! I am glad you guys are so happy!

    ReplyDelete
  22. is that the sweetest post ever or what?

    ReplyDelete
  23. That was beautiful Jess!
    Congratulations on the anniversary!

    ReplyDelete
  24. tearing up over here. that was so sweet.

    ReplyDelete
  25. So sweet! I think I love my husband a little bit more now, too!

    ReplyDelete
  26. too cute.

    seriously.

    too cute.

    wishing both of you all the best, forever and ever.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I do believe that call that "true love" and that is the kind that lasts and lasts.

    Isn't it great?

    ReplyDelete
  28. This actually made me cry, what an amazing post. I love you as a couple !!

    xox

    ReplyDelete