Still chugging.

On Friday both Torsten and I went to the doctor, in part because we needed prescriptions for malaria medication and Torsten needed shots in preparation for our honeymoon, but also because we both wanted to get a check-up. We were both pronounced healthy, and the doctor amused me by telling me that both of us have big, strong frames and are very flexible, which means that our kid will likely be athletically talented. He further amused me by saying that even if our kid displays a natural talent for gymnastics, we shouldn't allow it because gymnastics is a very high-impact sport. I went ahead and filed that advice in the Maybe I'll Need to Think About This Again in Ten Years section of my brain.

The other thing that the doctor told me is that because of my big bones and strong frame, my goal weight is too low for me. He said that first of all, it wouldn't be achievable, and second of all, if I did manage to achieve it, it would be unhealthy and unnatural for me. So, that was exciting, because it means that I'm closer to my goal than I thought I was, and who doesn't like hearing that they don't have to lose as much weight as they thought they did?

We had a good chat about Weight Watchers in general, and about how it was incredibly, effortlessly effective for me at the beginning and has gotten slower and more challenging since then. He was really helpful, and said a lot of things that I had been thinking already, but that I was afraid were just justifications, and he said some stuff that I didn't know. Like for example, since I have Hashimoto's disease, my thyroid function will never be totally even--it will go up and down and so sometimes it will be very easy to lose weight and other times it will be much harder.

He also said that it's totally OK that my surgery threw me off course for so long because of the short-term weight gain and the inability to go to the gym. And that there is no minimum rate of weight loss that you need to achieve in order to be successful. And that being overweight isn't synonymous with being unhealthy, and that in fact I am generally very healthy and take good care of myself.

Basically, I left feeling much better about Weight Watchers, and how tough it's been recently. Because it has been tough, and it's so hard not to compare my weight loss rate now back to what it was in the first six months, when it was like the weight was just melting off no matter what, and now it's more like two steps forward, one step back. It requires a lot more thought, and gym attendance, and careful calculations, and general effort to keep losing weight, and I have to say that I feel a little resentful and discouraged because of that.

But the doctor made me feel better. He validated all my feelings, and he told me that this is all very normal and to be expected, and that it doesn't mean I should just give up altogether, and that all weight loss is good, even if it's not the superhuman weight loss that I was achieving before, and that I shouldn't feel bad or guilty or like I'm not doing enough because of this. He said that it's great that I'm still losing weight, and that I've done a fantastic job overhauling my lifestyle, and that everything I'm doing is improving my health, and that's the most important thing.

And he's right. It's really hard to remember that when I think about all the superficial reasons why I want to lose weight--things that I'm sure you can all relate to, like fitting into or looking good in clothes that I couldn't have worn before, and impressing people who knew me in my fattest days, and being a gorgeous bride, and all those other things. And I don't have a problem with having superficial motivations for losing weight, because those things do matter to me, and I don't see why there's anything wrong with that.

Because I have more important reasons for wanting to lose weight too, chief among them my health and the health of my future baby if/when I get pregnant someday. And that combination of reasons is enough motivation to keep going. And so I'm still going to the gym, and I'm still recording my points, and I'm going to keep on keeping on. And I just have to believe that the rest will take care of itself.