Friday, June 20, 2008

A year in the life

One year and one day ago, Torsten and I were waking up in the same apartment, surrounded by boxes containing all of his possessions, in a bedroom that we have now shared for a year. Also in the room with us was the couch from his old apartment, a couch that remains in the bedroom and will, as far as I can see, remain there forever, because I don't think it's possible to get it out again.

One year and two days ago, we were hauling all of those boxes, and that couch, and that bed, across town in a borrowed pickup truck, a truck that we had foolishly assumed could transport all of Torsten's belongings in two or three quick trips. We were leaving the couch on the lawn of my building so that we could run back and grab the rest of Torsten's stuff before his building's freight elevator closed for the evening, and returning to find bird poo on it, bird poo that luckily washed right out.

We were knocking on our neighbor's door for help hauling the couch. We were removing the door of our hall closet and inadvertently chipping the paint off our doorframe attempting to maneuver the couch into the bedroom. We were rearranging the living room to accommodate his projector. We were ordering Chinese food at ten o'clock at night because we hadn't had time to eat dinner before then. It was the last meal that I would eat before starting Weight Watchers, so I made it a greasy one.

One year and one day ago, I was sending Torsten flowers with a card telling him how glad I was that we were sharing our lives. I was cooking my first Weight Watchers meal, one of the worst we have ever had, linguini with canned clams. He was supportively claiming that he liked it despite the clear evidence to the contrary on his plate. He forced down his whole serving. Luckily, my cooking skills have improved since then. As has my recipe selection.

Torsten was unpacking boxes as quickly as he could because he knew their presence drove me crazy. I was rearranging shelves to make space for all his books. We were switching mattresses because we had discovered that one was of much higher quality than the other. We were finding room for his ceramic goat among my purple vases. It turned out that they meshed surprisingly well.

We were waiting for the squabbling, the growing pains, the struggles that we were told every couple faces when they first move in together. We were waiting to step on each other's toes, feel crowded, need our space. We were waiting to feel slightly less close, struggle to fit our stuff together, struggle to fit our lives together.

But it didn't happen. Our lives fit together so neatly, so easily that almost immediately, it was as though we had never lived apart. We are lucky that our lifestyle preferences are so similar, that we didn't have that struggling adjustment period, that we dovetail so simply.

If we had had those struggles, we'd have made it through. One year and one day ago today, we already knew that we wanted to spend our lives together. We were prepared to fight to make that happen, to compromise if need be, to accommodate, to sacrifice. So far, we haven't had to. But we are both still ready to, if that time comes. Perhaps it never will. Perhaps it will always be this easy, this straightforward. But even if it isn't, it will always be worth it.

Last night I watched my future husband leap off the couch in excitement when the German soccer team eliminated Portugal from the European Cup. I listened to him enthuse about his new MP3 player, and say how he wishes that I would buy the same one for myself, because he is convinced that I would love it more than I love my iPod, and he wants only the best for me. I felt him stroke my shoulders automatically because he knows, his fingers know, that I always love a back rub. I saw him smile as he told me how he has learned to nudge me in the middle of the night so that I will roll over to cuddle without waking up.

Our first year of a shared life together was peaceful, simple, and untouched by any major clash or difficulty. We have supported each other through family problems, work stresses, life changes. But everything between us has remained smooth. I hope that it will always be so. I am almost scared to be so happy, because I am afraid that something will come along to spoil that happiness, that it is dangerous to be so completely content. But I know that we will always get through it, no matter what "it" might be. We will always work through it, because it will always be worth it.

I am so lucky.

50 comments:

  1. I loved this post! And I love that you have each other.

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  2. Just lovely. I wish Aaron would get that I am always up for a back rub.

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  3. Very sweet. It warms my heart to read about happy people.

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  4. So beautiful, Jess. You guys are so sweet. This line: "It turned out that they meshed surprisingly well." brought tears to my eyes. Best wishes ALWAYS.

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  5. This post was so touching. Partially because my experience with Sweets overlaps yours often. You and Torsten have something incredibly special. And it's so fun to watch you get ready to exchange vows and start happily ever after (as if you haven't started already!).

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  6. Jess, you and Torsten make a wonderful couple. Never be afraid to be happy!! Also, loved the comment about middle of the night cuddling :)

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  7. i had a boyfriend once who employed what i called Forceable Spooning in the middle of the night. if i wasn't positioned correctly for him to spoon me, he would physically MOVE MY BODY into the right position then snuggle up behind me. it was... not pleasant.

    which is to say, i'm pleased torsten has a better method :-)

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  8. Congratulations on the big year anniversary! Im so glad that it was so easy and effortless. Here's to many, many more years :)

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  9. You are lucky! That is a sweet post.

    Happy one year cohabitating! :)

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  10. I never comment, but this is such a sweet testament to the life you have built together that I had to. Congratulations - it sounds as though you are happy now AND know that the best is yet to come . . . lucky girl :)

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  11. What a beautiful post! It's awesome that you guys fit together so well, like pieces of a puzzle! Happy first year of living together! :)

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  12. This was a very lovely and schmoopie post, and you are lucky. Know what else? He's pretty lucky to have you!

    Have a great weekend!

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  13. That is so great, Jess. I'm so happy for you and Torsten.

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  14. You ARE lucky. I hope this luck stays with you both for a long, long, long time!

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  15. Now THAT is awesome. This post made me smile. I'm so happy for you both!

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  16. You guys are BOTH lucky.

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  17. Clearly, you guys are just RIGHT together. Have a great weekend!

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  18. How sweet. I hope it continues to be this easy for you both.

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  19. This is so sweet...and I am anything but a romantic.

    You could include something like this in your wedding program, or read it at the ceremony. It's a very touching sentiment.

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  20. You guys are adorable. And you are lucky.

    I think I am equally lucky. Seems like my relationship with my husband happened that way, too. And we don't ever fight. Still. Really.

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  21. Aw, tear! I so look forward to those days with TB. I'm so happy for you!

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  22. yes you are...you know a relationship is good when it is effortless

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  23. I love this post, and I'm hoping that our first year living together will be just as peaceful. So far it's been great, and we've definitely gotten closer, and we are happy. But, you never know...

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  24. This was wonderful. You guys sound so completely awesome together; I'd love to meet you.

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  25. And how perfect is it that today, one year later, you're picking up the wedding dress for yours and his wedding? :)

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  26. You're right...it is totally worth it.

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  27. This was so sweet, and I'm so happy for you

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  28. Good for you. It's so refreshing to hear happy stories from part of a happy couple.

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  29. aw this is such a sweet post. you two are so cute :)

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  30. That is one of the sweetest posts I've ever read. I'm very happy for the two of you.

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  31. this is such a happy post. congrats to you and your boo!

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  32. This is sweet, and if Torsten reads it, I bet you'll get an extra back-rub tonight. :)

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  33. You are lucky :)

    I felt the same when we moved in together. I was all ready for teething problems and clashes and fights, but we're just happy.

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  34. Awww, this was so nice! :)

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  35. It makes me smile just reading how happy you are together!

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  36. Everybody says that marriage is hard work and I'm sure that's true, but in my experience it's much harder with some people than with others. Glad you found one of the others.

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  37. You sound so content, at peace.

    It's not always easy to mesh two lives together and the road can be bumpy ... but the journey is sweeter when you have someone you love spend it with you.

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  38. What a sweet post! I absolutely adore this entire entry.

    xox

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  39. What a butterflies in your tummy post. I hope to one day find my perfect match. I hope the dress is fabulous per your tweets it is!!

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  40. I really hope I have this one day.

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  41. You ARE so lucky. I'm happy you're so happy. (Also, I hope I can write something like that about someone someday.)

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  42. What a fantastic year! xoxo

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  43. Congratulations about a great year of living together. You captured your comfort with each other and happiness in such a lovely way.

    I'll bet Torsten wishes he were in Germany for the Germany-Turkey game on Wednesday!

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  44. AH LOVVVELY, you are lucky and you deserve it. amazing.

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  45. AH LOVVVELY, you are lucky and you deserve it. amazing.

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  46. This is so sweet. Man, if you are writing your own vows there won't be a dry eye in the room, and Torsten will never forget them.

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