I was reading a blog post yesterday about those inevitable rude questions that newlyweds face about when they're going to have kids, and I wish I could remember whose blog it was so I could link to it, but I don't, so if it was you, please say so in the comments.
Anyway, it got me thinking about OTHER rude comments people make that are totally thoughtless, and while I'm sure I could write a whole book on the subject, and everyone else probably could too, I'm going to restrict myself to talking about getting married.
I was struck by this the other day in a group setting when some people were discussing who in the group might be the next to get married after me. People were listing mostly women when one person suggested that it might be a guy who is very serious with his girlfriend. Immediately, a married man in the group said to the guy in question, "Don't do it! Hold out for as long as you can!"
I hear this shit ALL THE TIME. "Is your fiancé ready to jump off a bridge every time you talk about the wedding?" "The wedding is coming up--your fiancé must be savoring his last few months of freedom!" "You got engaged after only a year together? What did you slip in his drink to get him to propose?" Hardy har fucking har. How about the next time you find out that someone you know is engaged, you limit your commentary to something along the lines of, "Congratulations. When's the wedding?"
This is SUCH a male thing. It is always assumed that I was some overzealous bridezilla type who pressured my fiancé into proposing, then whipped out my wedding binder and planned an over-the-top affair without any input from him. It is always assumed that he is trapped in this situation because he doesn't know better, and he should take it from someone who knows--this marriage thing isn't all it's cracked up to be! In ten years you'll have a beer belly and your wife will be a nag! Your life is over the second you say I do!
I used to try to answer back. I would say, "Actually, he wanted to propose earlier, but I didn't feel ready yet." "Actually, he told me that he can't wait for the wedding because he's really looking forward to being married. He's excited to get to wear a wedding ring." "Actually, he has very strong ideas about a lot of aspects of the wedding--and no, not just the food and the music." "Actually, SCREW YOU."
But when I say things that are, in my mind, a defense of Torsten's attitude toward our marriage, the morons who make these comments in the first place look incredulous--and also slightly disgusted. Like, what kind of guy WANTS to be married? What kind of guy DOESN'T like to talk shit about his future wife? What the hell is WRONG with this guy, right?
Listen, I'm sorry that my fiancé actually wants to marry me. Too bad for you that your marriage sucks and you are looking at your past through rose-colored lenses, as though you could ever really GET all those girls that you're dreaming of now. I know that married life isn't perfect for anyone. But with Torsten, it's going to be pretty damn great. And we are both looking forward to it. So please, buddy, keep your marital issues to yourself, and stop taking them out on us.
So, what inappropriate comments from acquaintances are irking YOU these days?
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