Thursday, May 1, 2008

Blah. And also, GAH.

I was going to write a wedding post today, seeing as it is May 1, otherwise known as t minus 6 months exactly. However, my endocrinologist called me last night with the results of last week's test, so I am going to talk about that first.

Anyway, I need surgery. GAH. I mean, no big surprise, since my dad had the same condition and all. But still.

Also, the doctor is 99% sure that it's a benign condition. GREAT. I didn't even know there was a possibility that it wasn't. And I know the odds are good, but that 1% isn't exactly comforting. So, logic would dictate that I have the surgery as soon as possible, right? Except that my doctor said it will probably be a month before I can even meet with the surgeon just to talk, so it would probably be, I don't know, a few weeks after that that I would then have the surgery? So like four months before my wedding? Otherwise known as right when planning is about to get crazy? And also not soon enough for the scar to heal before the wedding? So I can be sporting a charming scar on my very visible neck in my strapless gown in all the once-in-a-lifetime wedding photos? Fabulous.

Also, I googled "parathyroid scan" and the first thing I found was a (hopefully unreliable) website that claims the incision is typically five to seven and sometimes up to TEN inches long. DOUBLE GAH.

I mean, I know, my health comes first and blah blah blah. The doctor also said that I have a very mild form of this condition and that there is absolutely no need to rush. And he said that it was likely that I could have a minimally invasive procedure that leaves a smaller scar, but there's a slight possibility that they wouldn't remove the entire malfunctioning gland that way, which would mean that I would then need a second operation.

I had a lot of questions about the surgery that my doctor couldn't answer. I have to ask the surgeon himself. So I know what to do. Call the surgeon. Set up an appointment. Ask him my questions. Make a decision from there. All very straightforward. But I'm still going to have to think about it and wonder about all my questions until I get the chance to meet with the surgeon.

Plus my neck is one of my few body parts that I've always loved. Seriously. I know it sounds vain, but my relationship with my body is so uneasy and pretty much the only body part that has ever been free of negative scrutiny is my neck. Pale and soft and smooth. But not for much longer. Why, of all places, must my little problem area be in my neck?

Hey, you know what I really don't feel like talking about anymore? The logistics of when and how somebody will give me general anesthesia so they can slice open my neck to treat my mild and MOST LIKELY NOT MALIGNANT parathyroid condition.

SO. Let's talk about the wedding instead. I had another wedding nightmare the other night, this one much less severe than some of the others. I've noticed that as more and more wedding planning gets done, my wedding nightmares get milder. For example, one of my first wedding nightmares involved us in a crappy school auditorium in jeans with no guests, and my dad on the stage in shorts officiating the ceremony.

The nightmares have progressed as more details get nailed down, all the way to the point of the most recent one where I was running around in my wedding dress and we realized we had forgotten to get wedding rings, and were desperately trying to find crappy rings we could use as replacements. When I woke up I wanted to order our rings RIGHT THEN.

Anyway, we are in an odd place in the wedding planning where all the big things like the major vendors and whatnot have been arranged but it's still a bit early to be taking care of the smaller details. Like we can't start printing the program because the ceremony isn't together yet. We can't order the favors because they will probably involve chocolate and six-month-old chocolate is not the tastiest. I can't get a veil because I need to try it on with my dress to see how it matches and the dress won't be in until June. I can't get shoes for the same reason. I don't want to buy makeup yet because I want the products to be fresh and not six months old.

We can't order our rings yet because I am still losing weight and don't know what my ring size will be. My engagement ring is already too big to the point of nearly falling off and I am trying to hold out on getting it resized for as long as possible because I'm hoping to do it only once and also THEY CUT IT and I'M SCARED because I love it and PLEASE DON'T HURT IT.

Ahem. Anyway! There are a few things that we CAN do now, and so the wedding goals for this month are:
  • Pick a tuxedo style for Torsten and the groomsmen
  • Pick a ribbon
  • Start arranging the rehearsal dinner and figuring out costs
  • Start making invitations
Huh. Now that I have a concrete list of things to do, I feel better. It's amazing how helpful blogs can be. I just won't think about my parathyroid anymore.

P.S. Pictures of our dinner together are up at Alice's place. And they are awesome.

53 comments:

  1. Oh, bummer about the surgery. My dad has his thyroid removed when I was a kid, and thyroid problems run in his family, so I'm always waiting for it to be my turn.

    But good news on the wedding progress! How exciting!

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  2. The fact that we talk SO MUCH is making it very difficult for me to comment on your posts! Because I already knew ALL this stuff YESTERDAY, I already said everything!

    But your surgery will be fine and I will send you purple flowers because you are great. :)

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  3. Oh Jess, I'm so sorry this is happening at all, but I'm extra sorry that it is happening right now. I am glad that it's a fixable condition, however. I'm sure the doctor will assuage some of your concern once you meet with him.

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  4. Are you having a professional do your make up? If so I'm sure they could do something about the scar. If they can cover tattoos surely they can cover scars. If not where are you getting your make up? They might be able to recommend something. Not that you should worry about covering the scar because you will look gorgeous either way. T-minus 16 days for us!! Still 12 RSVPs missing. GAH!!

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  5. bummer about the surgery. I hope you get things figured out!
    I like reading about your wedding. :)

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  6. Oh, I'm sorry. Your health DOES come first and blah de BLAH, but STILL. SUCK.

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  7. The waiting to plan is so frustrating because it really all does hit at once!

    I made lists like a fool. Began drafting schedules for everyone involved and mapping out the morning of.

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  8. Aw honey, I'm so sorry to hear about your surgery - I thought you said maybe you could wait till after? Either way, the scar will be a new part of you - the healthier you, and the one he'll be with forever. Thoughts of it will disappear once you put on your beautiful dress and see him - don't you worry!!! xo

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  9. This is the lovely time of being engaged where you can just breathe and enjoy being together. Take advantage of spring (except no more falling down and hurting yourself!), sleep in, talk about the future. Enjoy it! Being engaged rocks!

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  10. surgery is scary, but weddings are fun and happy. think of the wedding instead : )

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  11. I made a list for the wedding by month.

    So month one was
    venue
    food
    alcohol
    dress

    month two was
    address list
    processional song
    hired the DJ
    got my shoes

    etc ...

    and I was never ever stressed!!!!

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  12. I'm about to get my thyroid tested for hypothyroidism. damn those thyroids. Why do we need them? I'm hoping it will fix my weight gaining issues. Or at least solve the mystery.

    I'm sure the surgery will go fine and I wouldn't worry about the scar, nothing makeup can't hide. At least you'll be healthy. And that is all that matters :)

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  13. Damn thyroids. I read about this ALL the time. If there is a scar to contend with, it can be covered. There is all kinds of special makeup for that. Sucks that you have to deal with it at all, but there are a ton of products out there.

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  14. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. But scar or no scar you are going to be a beautiful bride and all he will see is you walking towards him.

    I immediately tought of Padma whats-her-face from Top Chef. She has a big scar on her arm and is still gorgeous. It's about who you are, not what's on your neck. You are still going to be amazing, wonderfuly, beautiful you.

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  15. It's amazing what photoshop can do for wedding photos.

    I get the feeling though, that when you look back on your wedding photos and the scar ISNT noticable you will feel weird about it because it has become a part of you as the years have passed.

    I have a huge (about palm sized) upside down heart shaped scar on my neck and my brother kindly photoshopped it off my wedding photos and I HATED IT!

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  16. I feel you on the scar issue. I had surgery to remove a cyst from my face last May hoping it would heal by my wedding. Well the cyst ended up coming back and I had to switch the sides of the bride and groom's families so they weren't face to face with the huge cyst on mine.

    It sucked. I say put off the surgery so you'll at least know you won't have a scar.

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  17. I'm sorry that you'll need surgery, but I am breathing a sigh of relief that there's a 99% chance that it's benign (or, as Alec Baldwin said on SNL: "Be-nig").

    I'm sure your discussion with the surgeon will answer a lot of questions and help you figure out if it's necessary to have the surgery right away or if you can wait until after the wedding.

    Have you guys figured out your vows yet? Are you writing your own or going with the traditional vows? I want to know!

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  18. Sorry to hear about the surgery. It's good that they're going to take care of it, though.

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  19. EW thyroid. begone! think only of wedding tasks!! :-)

    i like what heather said though - about how the scar will be a part of you moving forward so maybe it'll be weird one day to see pics without it.

    but def talk to the surgeon - if your doc is right, this can totally wait until after the wedding anyway!

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  20. Jess, so sorry that you will have to have surgery!

    About your ring though, why don't you get the little balls put onto the inside of your engagement ring band so that it fits you better. That way you won't have to have it cut. Extra bonus: the balls make the diamond look bigger because it generally makes the setting a little higher. Niiice! :)

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  21. Oh, indeed: blah AND gah. (Also funny: "Hey, you know what I really don't feel like talking about anymore?" etc.)

    You know what would be sweet, in a wedding where the rings were lost or forgotten? Borrowing stand-in rings from a long-time-married couple.

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  22. Ugh. That sucks indeed. But it sounds like you're doing your very best to keep things in perspective. That's all you can do, right?

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  23. Don't let the surgery stress you out. Talk to the surgeon first and then decide what will work best for you. Even if you do have a little scar, there is make up out there that can cover it up. And you'll be beautiful no matter what!

    Speaking of wedding news, you make me feel like a slacker. My wedding is in 4 months, and I still have quite a bit to finish up.

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  24. yikes on the surgery! I vote for waiting until after the wedding. If the surgeon says that's okay, of course.

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  25. ooh, surgery, yuck. I'm glad that you'll be able to wait until after the wedding. That's one less thing you'll have to worry about in the coming months.

    It's so tempting to get EVERYTHING done early, but it's good you're waiting on the chocolate, because, um, yeah... old chocolate isn't yum.

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  26. Great pics! Looks like you guys had a great time!

    I didn't even think to ask you to meet me in DC on Sunday, but my layover is only for an hour. Boo.

    Have a great weekend!

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  27. Oh gosh, well lets hope for the best. Its hard, but try to keep yourself away from googling about the surgery. I speak from experience.

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  28. Oh, sorry about the surgery. I would think 4 months is okay, though, to recover before the wedding; I mean, you're young and reasonably healthy and all.

    As for the scar? I don't know what it would look like, but either a choker or some makeup might work. Or just bare it to the world, and say "look at me! I had surgery, I ROCK!".

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  29. Ditto what "s" said about covering the scar. Even though you're doing your own makeup, maybe you could talk to someone about covering your neck. My aunt's friend is covered in tattoos and you couldn't see a single one at her wedding!

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  30. They have this makeup at Macy's that can cover TATTOOS so you will be totally find. Just worry about getting better :-)

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  31. Boo. Sorry to hear about the surgery. Is there absolutely no way to postpone it until after the wedding?

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  32. I'm sorry about the surgery - such a bummer.

    In terms of your wedding, you are so on top of the planning that you could probably nap through July and still be 4000 steps further than most brides. Yes there are more details to finalize as it gets closer, but you are already thinking about what you want (which is the hard part), so ordering and crunching numbers will be a breeze.

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  33. The surgery is a total downer...maybe it will be no big deal to wait??

    I have to have a nodule on my thyroid biopsied after the babe is here. 99% sure it's nothing and blah....but I've been told time and again that it will need to be removed sooner or later. Not sure about the parathyroid, but for the thyroid, the incision is low on the nect and not too big---easy to cover with a necklace.

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  34. Sorry your medical condition is getting in the way of your wedding nightmares. You're on the right track and I know you'll make the right decision for you. Hang in there and keep your head up!

    As far as wedding stuff goes, I feel your pain. Big stuff? Check. Little stuff? Not even thinking about it.

    After booking the honeymoon the other week, we have a few things to do. We looked into tuxes, but got annoyed with the sales person, so made the visit brief. We're looking into DJs and found this group of really cool ones (think indie, not cheesy). We're hoping they're within our budget. I began helping his parents look into rehearsal dinner options. And we have to pick back up with invitation stuff in the next few weeks.

    You and I? Are.So.On.Top.Of.Planning. Hooray!

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  35. That's lame... I hope you figure it out without too much difficulty. And good luck with your wedding goals. That must be really frustrating to have lots of stuff to do, but no good way to do it until later. Maybe you should just enjoy the time off, since it'll probably get crazy later. :)

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  36. I am sorry about the surgery! Definitely TRY to relax until you talk to the surgeon, though. (Easier said than done, obviously.)

    I am so excited that your wedding is SO close!!

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  37. I suppose putting off the surgery would be the best if there is no need to rush given the whole wedding/strapless dress/scar on neck thing. But at least the doc didn't have horrible news, right? No surprises!

    I think it's really fascinating how the Universe will often test us. Like how your neck is your one area you unequivocally love on your body. Maybe it's a lesson to learn to love your whole self, scars and all? To see the beauty in every inch of you?

    :)

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  38. Sory re the surgery. For what it's worth, my sister in law had her thyroid removed about 18 months ago. Thanks to some silicone scar treatment, she doesn't have a visible scar.

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  39. oh man, what a bittersweet post. here's to health and good dreams!

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  40. my mom had surgery to remove a tumor growing from her parathyroid. the scar is not at all noticeable now. hopefully you'll have a great surgeon who will be able to answer all your questions. good luck to you!

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  41. The news about the surgery sucks. My brother had the surgery and his scar was about 6 inches, but after 2 years you can hardly see it. I know that doesn't help for the wedding, but you neck will be beautiful once again.

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  42. Sorry to hear of the surgery that totally sucks!

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  43. Bigtime bummer about the surgery. I'm sorry. I also second the makeup suggestion, and if not, dude, there is *always* Dermablend, which works like a CHARM.

    Incidentally, my mom had her thyroid removed and the scar was bad at first, but it did fade pretty quickly. And yours will too!
    xo

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  44. i am so sorry you have to get surgery. hopefully it can be put off until after the wedding. i couldn't help but think when reading your post that i would be worrying about every detail just like you. damn worrying uses a lot of energy.

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  45. Whoa - step away from the Googling, for realz. It's terrifying you and you're not even getting accurate information.

    Such as: if your surgeon wants to do the procedure that leaves you with a 7 to 10 inch incision across your neck? GET ANOTHER SURGEON. No one does that procedure anymore. Here's a link to the UCLA medical system's endocrinology site: http://www.endocrinesurgery.ucla.edu/scar_gallery.html with pictures of scars. And those are all OLDER PEOPLE. You're 24. You'll exfoilate and keep it moisturized and even you won't be able to see it by the wedding date.

    Besides, it's better than the alternative - keeping that sucker can mean crippling depression, which can mean gaining weight, being a miserable wife, general suckage, etc.

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  46. Awww, that sucks about the surgery. It has to be done right now??
    Hopefully you can wait. Makeup and a helpful surgeon will help too. Sometimes surgeons can be sympathetic, I hear.

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  47. ohh nooo...i totally get the freaking out! but i'm just thankful and glad for you that it is benign and minimally invasive. that's something! at least you're not required to get in for the surgery before the wedding. so? beautiful photos still happening.

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  48. Ish. I hope your neck is OK. But don't worry, because no matter WHAT you'll be beautiful at your wedding.

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  50. Girl, I'm sorry to hear that you need surgery, but I hope that it goes well! I suck at keeping up, but hopefully in the coming weeks, I'll be able to not stress out at as much. And eeee! Can you believe your wedding is coming up so quickly? (Mine is on Oct 31st. That's why I said eeee haha.)

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  51. Aw... I hope you are able to make the date for after the wedding. Fingers crossed.

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  52. Aww honey, I've been MIA for a few days and I come back to this!? I am so sorry! Although, a fanastic beauty products savvy-chica like yourself will absolutely find something to airbrush a scar, right?

    xox

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