Blah. And also, GAH.

I was going to write a wedding post today, seeing as it is May 1, otherwise known as t minus 6 months exactly. However, my endocrinologist called me last night with the results of last week's test, so I am going to talk about that first.

Anyway, I need surgery. GAH. I mean, no big surprise, since my dad had the same condition and all. But still.

Also, the doctor is 99% sure that it's a benign condition. GREAT. I didn't even know there was a possibility that it wasn't. And I know the odds are good, but that 1% isn't exactly comforting. So, logic would dictate that I have the surgery as soon as possible, right? Except that my doctor said it will probably be a month before I can even meet with the surgeon just to talk, so it would probably be, I don't know, a few weeks after that that I would then have the surgery? So like four months before my wedding? Otherwise known as right when planning is about to get crazy? And also not soon enough for the scar to heal before the wedding? So I can be sporting a charming scar on my very visible neck in my strapless gown in all the once-in-a-lifetime wedding photos? Fabulous.

Also, I googled "parathyroid scan" and the first thing I found was a (hopefully unreliable) website that claims the incision is typically five to seven and sometimes up to TEN inches long. DOUBLE GAH.

I mean, I know, my health comes first and blah blah blah. The doctor also said that I have a very mild form of this condition and that there is absolutely no need to rush. And he said that it was likely that I could have a minimally invasive procedure that leaves a smaller scar, but there's a slight possibility that they wouldn't remove the entire malfunctioning gland that way, which would mean that I would then need a second operation.

I had a lot of questions about the surgery that my doctor couldn't answer. I have to ask the surgeon himself. So I know what to do. Call the surgeon. Set up an appointment. Ask him my questions. Make a decision from there. All very straightforward. But I'm still going to have to think about it and wonder about all my questions until I get the chance to meet with the surgeon.

Plus my neck is one of my few body parts that I've always loved. Seriously. I know it sounds vain, but my relationship with my body is so uneasy and pretty much the only body part that has ever been free of negative scrutiny is my neck. Pale and soft and smooth. But not for much longer. Why, of all places, must my little problem area be in my neck?

Hey, you know what I really don't feel like talking about anymore? The logistics of when and how somebody will give me general anesthesia so they can slice open my neck to treat my mild and MOST LIKELY NOT MALIGNANT parathyroid condition.

SO. Let's talk about the wedding instead. I had another wedding nightmare the other night, this one much less severe than some of the others. I've noticed that as more and more wedding planning gets done, my wedding nightmares get milder. For example, one of my first wedding nightmares involved us in a crappy school auditorium in jeans with no guests, and my dad on the stage in shorts officiating the ceremony.

The nightmares have progressed as more details get nailed down, all the way to the point of the most recent one where I was running around in my wedding dress and we realized we had forgotten to get wedding rings, and were desperately trying to find crappy rings we could use as replacements. When I woke up I wanted to order our rings RIGHT THEN.

Anyway, we are in an odd place in the wedding planning where all the big things like the major vendors and whatnot have been arranged but it's still a bit early to be taking care of the smaller details. Like we can't start printing the program because the ceremony isn't together yet. We can't order the favors because they will probably involve chocolate and six-month-old chocolate is not the tastiest. I can't get a veil because I need to try it on with my dress to see how it matches and the dress won't be in until June. I can't get shoes for the same reason. I don't want to buy makeup yet because I want the products to be fresh and not six months old.

We can't order our rings yet because I am still losing weight and don't know what my ring size will be. My engagement ring is already too big to the point of nearly falling off and I am trying to hold out on getting it resized for as long as possible because I'm hoping to do it only once and also THEY CUT IT and I'M SCARED because I love it and PLEASE DON'T HURT IT.

Ahem. Anyway! There are a few things that we CAN do now, and so the wedding goals for this month are:

• Pick a tuxedo style for Torsten and the groomsmen
• Pick a ribbon
• Start arranging the rehearsal dinner and figuring out costs
• Start making invitations

Huh. Now that I have a concrete list of things to do, I feel better. It's amazing how helpful blogs can be. I just won't think about my parathyroid anymore.

P.S. Pictures of our dinner together are up at Alice's place. And they are awesome.