Thursday, September 13, 2007

I hate That Girl.

First of all, may I just say that you guys and your comments on my post from yesterday are just amazing. You are simultaneously hysterical and sympathetic and I feel so much better for having read your reactions. I showed the comments to Torsten, and he was also extremely appreciative. After much discussion, we've come to the conclusion that his mother didn't mean her comment quite as meanly as it sounded. It doesn't seem to really have anything to do with me in particular; it's something she probably would have said no matter who he was marrying. It has to do with her own issues about needing to be in control and not trusting anyone else to make decisions or answer questions, ever.

But still, not the best ending to what was otherwise a very successful meeting. And yes, thank God for the vastness of the Atlantic Ocean, and for her location on the other side of it. I suppose if you're going to have a difficult mother-in-law, you couldn't ask for more than for her not to speak your language and for her to live on a different continent. So, I'll take my blessings where I can find them.

Moving on, I spent four hours this morning in orientation for new hires at work. It was your traditional, too-long, somewhat repetitive but marginally useful training session where I learned a couple things about the company benefits and where to find things on the intranet. But for most of the time I was hard-pressed not to roll my eyes as two people dominated the meeting with their inane questions and insistence on telling their own personal stories at every possible opportunity. You know, they can't just say, "Can I log onto the media station near my office without reserving it first?" They have to tell a five-minute story about how there's a media station near their desk and they thought about using it and once they got as far as actually sitting down in the chair before they panicked and thought maybe they shouldn't, because this one time at the job they held five years ago they tried that and the scanner ended up being broken for three months, and haha, this whole thing reminds me of this one time, in band camp? AND THEN I KILLED THEM WITH MY ANGRY STARE OF DEATH.

I remember those people from college, that one girl who was always sitting front and center in the class with perfect posture and tons of notes and highlighting in her book, raising her hand even when other people were talking because what she had to say wasn't just important, it was downright enlightening, and by a month into the semester the professor would start twitching whenever that hand shot up in the air again, and the silent wait for somebody, anybody, please for the love of God anyone, anyone besides this girl, please raise your hand and answer my question, even if you answer in Pig Latin, that wait was excruciating. And then the worst part was that even if somebody else answered the question, even if they answered the question CORRECTLY, that girl would STILL keep her hand in the air because SHE wasn't going to just answer the question, she was also going to share a personal vignette that would enrich the lives of her classmates in unmeasurable ways.

My point here is, I was really fucking sick of people like that by the time I graduated, and now, to encounter more such people here in my office where I spend half of my waking hours... it's just not fair. Really, not fair. As in why, why, WHY DO YOU STILL THINK THAT WE CARE ABOUT HOW DIFFICULT IT WAS FOR YOU TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO CHANGE YOUR PRINT SETTINGS TO DOUBLE-SIDED?

Ahem. Sorry about the caps. I think what would make me feel better here is a little round of oneupmanship. So, please, tell me about the worst or most obnoxious classmate/colleague/neighbour/whoever that you've had to deal with, and then I'll be reminded of how much worse it all could be. So, start sharing.

17 comments:

  1. Oh, the Chatty Oversharer. That is my least favorite brand of Crazy. I knew a girl like that in college and the worst part was, it was a Conservative Christian school and she always found a way to weave her Walk With Jesus into EVERY answer on EVERY topic. Which, if it's Old Testament, then okay fine, but if it's Finance? NOT SO MUCH. How would Jesus finance this company? Stocks or bonds?

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  2. I hate the people who always say, "Well, at my LAST job, we did THIS..."

    I also don't like when coworkers try to one-up each other playing, "Who's Had More Health Problems?" (AKA "Whose Surgery Had More Disgusting Side Effects?")

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  3. I find *that girl* worse at work than Smith. At least at Smith you only had 5 or so hours a week of her, as opposed to 40 at work.

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  4. I feel as if I'm in a Catch-22. On the one hand, you asked for my story of an annoying person. On the other hand, by my regaling you with my own personal story on that topic, I will BE that annoying person. What to do...

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  5. JMC--Telling personal stories isn't annoying if your audience wants to hear them. And since I asked, I obviously do. So share!

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  6. Everyone hates a goody two-shoes. Maybe when they go to hell, it's a big classroom where they never get called on. Mwahahaha!

    The worst coworker I ever had would twirl his gd blackberry holster on his hip and say, "Reeling 'em in, BABY!" because he was a sales stooge. Kill! And he was touchy feely. I'm sorry, the memory makes me want to go bathe. And vomit a little.

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  7. I knew a girl in high school who had to top everyone's stories. If you had had something happen to you, she had it happen worse, bigger, longer, you name it!
    Your dog died? Her prize winning show dog had puppies and then died, leaving the puppies orphans. Then they died too.
    *sheesh*
    I've seen some hilarious SNL skits lately that reminded me of "that girl"

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  8. A recent co-worker couldn't remember what to do on the simplest assignments (e.g. "Please mail this letter to this address" with a point at the address and the form says "send to x address". Then she sent it somewhere else and didn't realize that was wrong. She also talked to herself out loud all day long. Not normal "I hate my stupid computer" talking...like she would tell herself out loud what she should be doing..."click on that button, then reach over and stick my finger in a light socket." I wanted to kill her after the first day...

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  9. These are hilarious! I've got another one, from my college days as an RA.

    We had one girl who always talked to herself, which was only a little annoying, but she always referred to herself in the third person:

    "So Sarah thinks I should do my homework now, but Sarah doesn't want to."

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  10. My least favorite is the student who has to ARGUE with everything because she/he has somehow come to the conclusion that arguing = smartitude. So no matter WHAT anyone says, that student asks snotty questions in a superior tone, like HOW could you be SUCH an idiot.

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  11. Okay, since you asked. Luckily I only have to see these people once and then I never see them again, but I am constantly finding myself cornered by people who feel as if I need to know their life stories.

    Once there was the lady in the hospital waiting room where I was waiting for my baby to have an EKG and ultrasound of her heart. She told me all about her house and her kids and her husband, worthless SOB, and her battle with cancer and how she was raising her grandson, and on, and on, and on...

    And then there was the time when I was pregnant and REALLY wanted a chocolate milkshake, and someone told me that Mickey D's now had real milkshakes that were GOOD, so I decided to get one. I ordered one at the drive-thru and drove up to the window, where the guy told me all about how he loved chocolate milkshakes but couldn't have them anymore because he developed diabetes, etc., etc., etc.... blah blah, blah blah, blah blah. Just take my money and give me the friggin' milkshake already.

    And then my favorite was when I was shopping for bathing suits at my local Kohl's department store. I had a baby with me (bathing suit shopping is bad enough, but I HAD A BABY WITH ME, so you know I was looking oh so hot), and this pregnant woman kept looking at me. She finally asked me if she could ask me a question. (I wasn't sure how to answer that, since she obviously just had, so her impressive powers of deduction should have told her that yes indeed it WAS POSSIBLE to ask me a question.) She wanted to know if she should call her doctor because her water had broken a few hours ago, and she told me the whole story of where she was and what she was doing when it happened, and I just kept looking around to see if perhaps there were hidden cameras somewhere, because this woman couldn't be for real. Could she?

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  12. Look, I have the longest comment. Told you I would be that girl. :)

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  13. ooog. my brand of work hate is currently reserved for the Unnecessary CC'er, especially when the Unnecessary CC recipients include my boss / coworkers / mom / sister / dogwalker and the person doing the CCing is trying to make me look bad, on purpose, in front of as many people as possible. whereas i would like to print out the email and SHOVE IT DOWN THEIR THROAT.

    ahem.

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  14. Oh, this shit makes me CRAZY. Especially if it also has a hint of passive-aggressive.

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  15. I have two stories for you Jess...1) the girl in my sex and gender class who claimed to identify the hardships of intersexed children because her parents were divorced and she went to catholic school...by halfway through the semester people would audibly groan when she raised her hand. and 2) a gov student who could never shut up in class, but who reached her peak of absurdity one day while explaining in great detail how she felt our professor had misinterpreted the author's intended meaning about something...trouble is, the professor WROTE THE BOOK WE WERE READING.

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  16. nice post. I would love to follow you on twitter.

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  17. I would appreciate more visual materials, to make your blog more attractive, but your writing style really compensates it. But there is always place for improvement

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