Meta-blogging

I've been writing this blog since January, and as I said in my very first post, this is my first blog. I never really laid out exactly what this blog was going to be about, because it doesn't have a specific subject. It's just a personal blog, and several people have told me how much they enjoy it, and I'm really glad about that. The overall topic of the blog is somewhat meandering, and I'm glad to know that its winding nature isn't off-putting (or maybe it is, and if this blog had a much narrower scope, I would have way more people telling me how much they enjoy it).

The only thing I laid out for myself in my initial post was that I didn't want to be adolescent and obsessive, and that I didn't want to say things that I wouldn't want random strangers on the internet to read. I don't want to say anything that could get me fired (hey, I learned from dooce), so I try to avoid talking about work too much (which is not to say that I have negative, firing-inducing things to say about work. Just that I try to avoid the topic as a whole to avoid any messy gray area or anything getting misinterpreted).

Anyway, I've been reading more and more other blogs recently, as evidenced by my growing links list (by the way, two new--and great--additions that I haven't mentioned yet: Sunday Morning and Attention Span of a Fly). I've joined a couple of blogger websites (BlogHer and Digg), and in the process, I've seen requests to categorize my blog. Which has begged the question of what exactly my blog is about. But I think I'm happy to leave it as a "general life" blog and not try to force it into any more specific categories.

What I have noticed, however, in the process of reading more and more blogs written by other people, is that some people are able to write really beautiful, meaningful posts about their feelings, their issues, their huge problems, and their private lives. I have always been a somewhat funny mix of outgoing/incredibly verbal and intensely private about the few issues that are painful and personal for me. A lot of things that were/are painful for me are things that I can easily blog about, or talk about to pretty much anyone--like my uncle dying of AIDS, or my grandfather's suicide, or past relationships that ended badly. Which makes people think that I'm not reserved at all.

But there are some things that still feel raw, even if they happened or began years and years ago. Those are the things that as of yet I would not feel comfortable posting about on a blog. And yet when I read the blogs of people who do open up about those things, I find them fascinating and compelling. I want my blog to be fascinating and compelling as well.

Maybe I'll get there. Even just writing about how there are things I don't write about feels like a step for me. I guess you have to start somewhere, right?