tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post6195698045180826043..comments2024-03-26T04:27:54.485-06:00Comments on Du Wax Loolu: I have always been meJesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15942269316108576622noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-19982442515549599422010-03-08T14:50:47.961-07:002010-03-08T14:50:47.961-07:00I usually avoid looks-related remarks about someon...I usually avoid looks-related remarks about someone's weight. I'm uncomfortable when people comment on my weight at all, because it's like they think that's what I want to hear. I'd rather say something like "Wow, Jess, your hard work is really paying off, and you look great too!" rather than simply complimenting your looks. So that the value is in the effort, not in the outward appearance.Type (little) a aka Michelehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18344395100374466233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-25665290053642930972010-03-05T14:34:07.568-07:002010-03-05T14:34:07.568-07:00Wait, someone said these things to you? The only ...Wait, someone <em>said</em> these things to you? The only one of these which I could think would even be borderline okay, is the "the coat is too big on you" because it doesn't necessarily imply to me that you looked pregnant before, not that I would ever say that, because still so freaking weird, but the others? Really? Someone said that? I would have punched someone.Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11530892587771136443noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-35022520108476679362010-03-05T03:04:35.317-07:002010-03-05T03:04:35.317-07:00It's absolutely self-explanatory. I have been...It's absolutely self-explanatory. I have been known, despite the best of intentions, to wedge my foot firmly in my mouth from time to time, but those comments - just not okay.<br /><br />Your attitude about you always being you and having done great things before your surgery too is just beautiful.Alliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16603700427096296937noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-36807326253412738802010-03-04T22:09:32.251-07:002010-03-04T22:09:32.251-07:00Wow. I mean, I know people are thoughtless. But ...Wow. I mean, I know people are thoughtless. But OMG, people are thoughtless.SLynnRohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15016804259405363833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-68824935584142158852010-03-04T18:21:30.991-07:002010-03-04T18:21:30.991-07:00Totally self-explanatory! Some people just don'...Totally self-explanatory! Some people just don't have a filter, so every thought they have comes out. Not a good thing!<br /><br />When I was in my cousin's wedding years ago, her stepmother told me over and over, all day, how great I looked! Great! And I was less and less complimented, because what it boiled down to was that with makeup and my hair done by someone else, in a dress chosen by someone else, she thought I looked much better than usual. Thanks I don't think.ccr in MAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16938353645353176255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-42568905288273873562010-03-04T17:57:58.751-07:002010-03-04T17:57:58.751-07:00Holy crap did you slap those people? Because that ...Holy crap did you slap those people? Because that is totally what I would have done! Yikes.Non Sequitur Chicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07268138421234170972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-21101641705484652842010-03-04T16:28:54.305-07:002010-03-04T16:28:54.305-07:00Wow, some people just don't think before they ...Wow, some people just don't think before they speak.<br /><br />Case in point: Lived in NY, got married in FL (where in-laws lived). First thing my MIL said to me at the airport was "you're getting married THAT pale?" Yes, before she even said hello. I finally confronted her about it last week (2 years later), and she swears she "didn't mean it that way." Um, right.Tiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01470163614190777624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-86613806777993820372010-03-04T15:55:56.840-07:002010-03-04T15:55:56.840-07:00I completely understand why you'd be offended ...I completely understand why you'd be offended by those 'compliments'. I would be really hurt as well. I would be like, ummm great good to know that's what you thought about me back then.Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09989730055534096822noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-28867766737577027782010-03-04T15:10:25.276-07:002010-03-04T15:10:25.276-07:00Reading that, it sounds like I don't believe w...Reading that, it sounds like I don't believe what you wrote. I totally do, I don't mean that. I just sometimes forget what asshats people are and all the reasons I prefer animals over humans.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-41185375704035357412010-03-04T15:09:41.415-07:002010-03-04T15:09:41.415-07:00I can't believe the thoughtlessness (or just p...I can't believe the thoughtlessness (or just plain mean spiritedness) of people. Who would ever say such things?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-90104669794841331392010-03-04T14:38:57.629-07:002010-03-04T14:38:57.629-07:00One time, my grandmother said, "It's so m...One time, my grandmother said, "It's so much easier to love you when you're skinny." And while I shrugged it off, I felt like it hurt so bad because that's how I regard myself. Like I'd be better or more perfect or awesome if I were thinner. I'm actively working at losing weight right now and there's a huge part of me that believes that all the negativity I feel towards myself will go away when I drop the pounds. I know logically that isn't true, and I wish I felt differently...but this is such a tough journey!Amy --- Just A Titchhttp://www.justatitch.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-60605212894144840752010-03-04T14:11:28.927-07:002010-03-04T14:11:28.927-07:00After I lost a good deal of weight, someone said t...After I lost a good deal of weight, someone said to me "You look so much better now"<br /><br />I know he had the best of intentions but YOWCH!<br /><br />I get it and I'm sorry people just don't think.amandahttp://aloft.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-16558820943752232522010-03-04T13:59:00.055-07:002010-03-04T13:59:00.055-07:00That was a very thoughtful and articulate post. T...That was a very thoughtful and articulate post. Thank you for sharing.<br /><br />I'm sorry people said those comments to you. I'm sure they just weren't thinking, although that is no excuse. Congrats on all your hard work with the weight loss!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02355024368005045447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-46302273947644667422010-03-04T11:01:22.515-07:002010-03-04T11:01:22.515-07:00Penny--You're right that I didn't like bei...Penny--You're right that I didn't like being seriously overweight and that's why I did something about it. A lot of it was health-related but certainly that wasn't the only consideration. I'm definitely happier about my body and generally healthier since the surgery.<br /><br />However, what I'm saying, and what I've always tried to be clear about, is that being fat didn't make me a miserable, unhappy person in general. I was unhappy <i>about being fat</i>, but it didn't diminish the quality of my life in other areas. That's what I mean when I say I'm still me. This source of problems and challenges has diminished for sure, but everything else is the same.Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15942269316108576622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-9703255067890740252010-03-04T10:56:08.638-07:002010-03-04T10:56:08.638-07:00Hmm, I almost agreed with you all the way there un...Hmm, I almost agreed with you all the way there until you wrote "I never felt miserable before." Well, now, maybe miserable is too strong a word but there is a whole post here about the discomforts of being your larger self. Further, if you felt exactly the same now as you did then then what prompted the change? Just felt like, on a whim, you'd undergo major surgery? No. I think the direction you chose was in the theme of self-improvement, yes? Something's changed for the positive, and if we can extrapolate, you're more complete/perfect/actualized now then you were then perhaps? Then in that sense you were not always you. You are a new you in a small sense.<br /><br />But! This post is a good reminder not to beat myself up about the imperfect person I was, even those times where I thought I WAS perfect and then realized later I was not. And I like this post in that it reminds us onlookers that changes in someone else's weight do not equate to changes in other parts of that person or necessarily that person's happiness. It's a weight thing, not a total transformation thing. An excellent reminder.Pennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02864909952004392637noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-7627656472602677422010-03-04T10:17:48.839-07:002010-03-04T10:17:48.839-07:00Wow.Wow.artemisiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12048259618106957687noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-573421685780983822010-03-04T09:58:41.108-07:002010-03-04T09:58:41.108-07:00I think it is still very hard for our society in g...I think it is still very hard for our society in general to comprehend that women who aren't living up to a certain arbitrarily chosen Beauty Ideal can be happy. Weight and body type especially! As someone who considers herself somewhat self aware, I definitely struggle when people compliment me for "getting closer" to this Ideal because I resent it in the first place and I know that The Ideal was not what I was trying to achieve. In that moment I want to say "But wait, no..." and explain it all to them, but usually I just say Thank you and roll my eyes. <br />Losing weight is so much more than just dropping pounds. It's such an interesting psychological journey...Hollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15245639481233482357noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-59536701029634808652010-03-04T09:36:59.034-07:002010-03-04T09:36:59.034-07:00I love this. And I agree: those awful things peo...I love this. And I agree: those awful things people say aren't even as bad as a lot of things people say about their own former selves.Swistlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13126937282657655091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-48326587369388913212010-03-04T09:31:50.260-07:002010-03-04T09:31:50.260-07:00Standing up. Applauding. Tear running down face.
...Standing up. Applauding. Tear running down face.<br /><br />Thank you. Awesome post.Jerseyhttp://www.porkrolleggandcheese.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-81597333671280227112010-03-04T09:21:04.090-07:002010-03-04T09:21:04.090-07:00Fabulous post, Jess. I think a lot of people don&#...Fabulous post, Jess. I think a lot of people don't fully think about what they're saying. We're all prone to doing so mistakenly, but there are some people who do it all the time. I hope this post serves as a reminder to all of us that what we say and how we say it really does matter.<br /><br />BTW, one thing that's always left a really good impression on me is how happy and fulfilled you've been with your life. Period. This weight loss thing is totally separate from that. It's a health thing. For a lot of people, I don't think that's the case. I think a lot of people equate happiness with losing weight. And that's too bad. Because happiness? It's gotta come from within.Nilsa @ SoMi Speakshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08474642034399063234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-44716242489591497702010-03-04T09:05:17.374-07:002010-03-04T09:05:17.374-07:00People are so tacky - and insensitive. Truly, tha...People are so tacky - and insensitive. Truly, that's what it comes down to. Another favorite is "You look so much better". Gee, thanks.<br /><br />I'm glad that you can take it in stride and have a good sense of who you are - that's important with all the idiots we encounter daily.<br /><br />I've found that people just say stupid things - whether you're losing, gaining or growing a freaking life. My FIL compared his beer gut to my stomach the other day. Um, not really what I was looking for in the self-esteem booster. Thanks.Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04793480432068543767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-41048546721427565722010-03-04T08:33:16.877-07:002010-03-04T08:33:16.877-07:00This is SO well written and if you remember my las...This is SO well written and if you remember my last entry you'll know that I really needed to read this.Jummyhttp://ooof.ca/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-29481931390902696332010-03-04T08:25:03.649-07:002010-03-04T08:25:03.649-07:00Amen. And for the record, I think you're grea...Amen. And for the record, I think you're great. Before, during, after, whatever. You're awesome.missrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03595843215458849973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-81846038763654267772010-03-04T08:22:56.250-07:002010-03-04T08:22:56.250-07:00I do this all the time- look back on photos of mys...I do this all the time- look back on photos of myself and either love the "past me" (if I like how I looked) or hate the "past me" (if I don't like it).<br /><br />You are so right that it's silly and unnecessary to do that, for I WAS AND AM still the same person. Yes we change, learn things, become more refined, gain/loose weight... but we are all beautifully in process. And the beauty is IN the process.<br /><br />So, thanks for this.Marie Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03830798429713169174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-48891409805281433612010-03-04T08:21:55.198-07:002010-03-04T08:21:55.198-07:00Sometimes, people don't think. Think fast, tal...Sometimes, people don't think. Think fast, talk slow I always say. You are the same person, you just are wearing a different size. <br />It always amazes me people have no knowledge of being offensive. Sorry about the dorks!DCMommanoreply@blogger.com