tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post3942677567792239449..comments2024-03-26T04:27:54.485-06:00Comments on Du Wax Loolu: Is everyone here? No, not yet.Jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15942269316108576622noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-35112854338838768772012-04-10T10:01:06.182-06:002012-04-10T10:01:06.182-06:00I've read some of the comments above,and thoug...I've read some of the comments above,and thought I'd chime in on the other side. I am an only (39yrs old) and my daughter (18 yrs old) is also an only. My husband and I decided to have just one at first, we were young!, and then we decided that we loved just one and decided our family was complete. I think being an only, and now having an only, is WONDERFUL. We have been able to give our daughter so many experiences, and be 100% in her life, in a way that would not be possible had we more children. I do not regret my choice AT ALL. Some parents want a large family - and thats great. For them. But having a smaller family is JUST AS GREAT, and the child misses nothing. They don't have the experience of siblings, but they have so many other fabulous experiences that a larger family will never have.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-49133865941571068052012-04-02T14:15:23.708-06:002012-04-02T14:15:23.708-06:00Someone, somewhere, said this better than I will, ...Someone, somewhere, said this better than I will, but I follow the "the one who really cares, wins" philosophy. As in, if one person wants/needs, and the other just prefers, then the wants/needs gets picked. However, if you are both wants/needs, then those big marital compromises come in to play. <br />And now I'll get morbid. In addition to siblings having each other when parents die, etc, I also cannot help thinking of what if something happens to my one kid, and I only have one. Then I would have none. I figure that if I have two, or three to be safe, then I would still have children to hold. Which isn't of course the only reason to have greater than one child, but is my tipping point. <br />Morbid: over. My girl is about to turn two, and I'd like to get pregnant soon (actually I would've preferred to have been pregnant last fall, but that didn't work out.) and I see it as both getting harder and easier to think about a second. She can already go get her own clothes! She can help with things. She adores adores babies. But, we are out of the newborn stage, and can do so much stuff! So, both sides have pluses.phancymamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06573178059691845769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-77544789293335111432012-04-02T13:34:50.155-06:002012-04-02T13:34:50.155-06:00People are always saying "You never regret th...People are always saying "You never regret the child decide to have," and I agree. But I also don't regret having the money, time, and patience stopping at three gave me.<br /><br />Not that it was my choice, but I'm just perky and sunny-side-up all the livelong day. So yay! for whatever you do.Slimhttp://freejavelins.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-10371001979055873092012-03-30T00:30:14.008-06:002012-03-30T00:30:14.008-06:00This is the exact discussion Justin and I would ha...This is the exact discussion Justin and I would have had to have if, you know, I hadn't gotten pregnant with Lucy right around when Adriana was Callum's age. Justin REALLY hates the new baby stage, but now that Lucy is getting older he has admitted he is very glad we had a second kid and that he couldn't picture our family without her. Oddly, I am the one who still pines a bit for the family of three days. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE Lucy, but I am so exhausted all of the time. I miss the simplicity, freedom, cash flow of only having one kid. I am 100% certain that once I get a few weeks of uninterrupted sleep I will feel like this is the perfect sized family for us (it's hard right now, but worth it). I am excited to see how this all plays out for you, and what ends up being your perfect family size.Laura Diniwilkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12501205507709511056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-50913657528391158582012-03-29T11:46:03.791-06:002012-03-29T11:46:03.791-06:00I come from a large family, in that my mother has ...I come from a large family, in that my mother has six brothers so I was always surrounded by cousins. I only had one sibling, a brother, until I was 13 and he was 10. Then, my mom had a bit of a surprise baby...that surprise baby just turned 13 himself, how time flies! I love my two siblings so much, and my big extended family, I couldn't imagine only having one child myself.<br /><br />Now, I've yet to even have one child (or get married or any of those things), but in my head I always have the plan to have 2 or 3 children. I think it is so nice to add siblings, to make holidays special and to have each other as parents get older.<br /><br />It is of course a personal decision, but my personal opinion is that I want one more than child for sure... fortunately my current boyfriend is not an only child, and also agrees that having at least two children is a must. <br /><br />We do happen to have a best friend who is an only child, and unfortunately (though of course we adore her) she has lots of "Stereotyped Bratty Only Child" behaviours... and those attitudes of hers drive us batty... so we are a bit skewed by knowing her, and seeing how we do not want just one child.Ms. Keyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14790786105837344838noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-6058296321618349002012-03-28T13:19:37.190-06:002012-03-28T13:19:37.190-06:00I have been reading you since you were early in yo...I have been reading you since you were early in your pregnancy because our due dates were just 2 weeks apart! I had mine 5 weeks early, though, and he's had some medical and developmental issues. It has been really interesting reading about Callum and his milestones since they should kind of be on the same page but they so aren't.<br /><br />Anyhow,I will try to keep this brief but my husband and I were in the same positions as you and Torsten. (I should start out saying we have a 6 yr old boy too.) We were both ok with having just one--he is an only child also. Then I started feeling like maybe we should have another, and he balked. For the same reasons you mentioned above. But also, we are both older- I will be 40 this year and he will be 42.<br /><br />Anyway, like you, I have a sister who lives in another state. She announced her pregnancy, and I realized my son's only first cousin will be living 1000 miles away and they probably would only see eachother twice a year if we are lucky. That made me super sad. (There are no small children on my husband's side that we see often.)<br /><br />Then I saw my then 4 yr old at daycare running around, but he stopped by a little toddling girl, patted her head so gently, and took off. He didnt know I was watching. That kind of sealed it for me--he needed a sibling. That night I mentioned both of these incidents to my husband and told him we really need to try for another. He was shocked because he thought I was really ok with just having one child. <br /><br />We gave ourselves just 6 months to conceive and it took 2 months. :)<br /><br />What's interesting about having 2 kids is the division of labor changes-its much more equal now.<br /><br />Also, our big boy has always been super healthy; we just knew we wouldn't be so lucky the second time, and we just deal with the issues the baby has. Shrug.<br /><br />I wonder how Torsten will feel when Callum gets bigger. I couldn't imagine starting over when the baby is just 15 mos, but having a potty trained, kind of self-sufficient kid made it much easier, and you almost forget how hard it is to have a newborn.<br /><br />SOrry for such a long post!<br />-danishAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-13732296200847515012012-03-28T08:50:48.469-06:002012-03-28T08:50:48.469-06:00I think every family has to decide for themselves ...I think every family has to decide for themselves whether to have children and if so, how many. I don't think it's selfish to stop at one. I don't think it's weird to have 10. I think so long as parents are able to provide shelter, clothing, food and lots of love for their children, then who are we to say what the right number is. I always thought we'd be one and done. And, from a biological sense, I'm almost positive we are. But, we may still try to expand our family at some point through other means. And I know that's a conversation that I will have to start and might have to do some convincing. But, so long as I'm open to what Sweets has to say and am willing to consider his stance if it differs from mine (if his reasoning is really valid), then I think it's ok to come to a conversation/discussion/debate from two different places and wind up with only one answer.Nilsa @ SoMi Speakshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08474642034399063234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-63265741393191873202012-03-28T06:32:33.682-06:002012-03-28T06:32:33.682-06:00Oddly enough, CP and I had a similar conversation ...Oddly enough, CP and I had a similar conversation this week about only having one child. I asked if he would ever want only one kid and he said no. I'm sure that parenting only one kid is easier, but I do think that if we are able to have two, then we will have two because it is nice to have a sibling. Both of us grew up with a sibling and while my sister and I had a very competitive relationship for a while, we are in a much better place.Non Sequitur Chicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07268138421234170972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-54220076375573636442012-03-27T18:58:33.998-06:002012-03-27T18:58:33.998-06:00I'm an only child, and I really, really hated ...I'm an only child, and I really, really hated it, I had to play games alone, I was lonely. I wished and wished for a sibling my whole life. Apparently Torsten didn't experience this, but I did. And as Callum gets older, I really think he'll wish for someone to play with too, and that you'd be grateful for the break with having a built-in playmate.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-16017793644915991152012-03-27T15:05:46.873-06:002012-03-27T15:05:46.873-06:00ooof, how tough. i can understand torsten's po...ooof, how tough. i can understand torsten's position, seeing as i'm ALREADY there WITHOUT having had a kid (should i even have one?? i have a great life! and i love having money and sleep!) but like you say, BOTH sides are completely understandable. hopefully one of you will eventually find yourself closer to the other's opinion as time goes by.Alicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15287792370490363047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-35229346109743167542012-03-27T12:38:29.249-06:002012-03-27T12:38:29.249-06:00Anon--You have a good memory/have been reading for...Anon--You have a good memory/have been reading for awhile! We haven't totally decided against it, but after doing some research we are pretty strongly leaning toward not adopting. There just doesn't seem to be an adoption path that fits what we are looking for at the moment. We are, however, very interested in possibly fostering an older kid once our babies are older, maybe middle or high school age? But we'll do some more research and maybe meet with someone from the Colorado foster system (the only adoption avenue that we would really even consider) before we try to get pregnant again, just to be sure that we are both comfortable with the decision.Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15942269316108576622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-39588480448646980202012-03-27T11:38:27.439-06:002012-03-27T11:38:27.439-06:00I come from an enormous family (I have six brother...I come from an enormous family (I have six brothers and three sisters) so I am naturally inclined to say 'one baby-no way!' <br /><br />Sure I loved having lots of brothers and sisters and got taught to share etc...but the point where they became most important to me was when we lost our parents. Both times we had each other to lean on and help make hard decisions (and heal from our loss). Your second child will be a gift for Callum not only in childhood but when he faces tough times as an adult.<br /><br />And dont worry about that husband of yours...almost every parent has this magical moment when the oldest is between 2-3 years old where they go 'he isnt such a baby anymore, maybe we should have another.' And by then timing will be perfect for you in regards to school!Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07787260126425552298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-20169203965211940442012-03-27T11:11:05.404-06:002012-03-27T11:11:05.404-06:00I can see both sides too, and neither are wrong or...I can see both sides too, and neither are wrong or right really. Which, of course, is precisely why this sort of thing can be so hard.<br /><br />I do have to say that watching my kids together is one of my greatest joys as a parent.d e v a nhttp://www.all-d.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-49444493078477739032012-03-27T10:30:56.091-06:002012-03-27T10:30:56.091-06:00I know we were just talking about this on Twitter,...I know we were just talking about this on Twitter, but YES. I think part of my issue is that right after I have a baby, when to have the next one is very much on my mind. I'm immersed in the newborn stage so I spend a lot of time thinking about how many and spacing and so on. My husband, on the other hand, spends the first 6 months or so of our children's lives thinking, "WHY did we DO this?" So any time I mention anything about more he just thinks I'm crazy.<br /><br />Of course, Daniel changes the situation some, and I've definitely moved from "when" we have another child to "if" we have another child, but I'm still not ready to say we're done. Yet.Elshahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01302804262020241968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-19456702088304900792012-03-27T10:23:33.022-06:002012-03-27T10:23:33.022-06:00At least Torsten isn't like my coworker who ha...At least Torsten isn't like my coworker who has two kids - his wife wants a third and he adamantly does not, to the extent that he told her if they have a third and there is something wrong with it, he will blame her forever!Alisonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-65289805431871279222012-03-27T10:07:33.150-06:002012-03-27T10:07:33.150-06:00So, I hear you. My husband has a child from his fi...So, I hear you. My husband has a child from his first marriage, and while we've always said "yes, this marriage (OUR marriage) will include more children", it's ...harder. My stepdaughter is fully functional. She's so easy, these days. When she was 6 and 7, this was actually an easier conversation because we were ALREADY doing the 'kid' thing, but now that she is 15, and so great, and God life is SO EASY (she can stay home alone! or come with us and be an active participant! She packs for herself! Makes her own lunch AND THEN CLEANS UP! Etc!) I feel so much GUILT when I think of having another. I don't want my husband to be resentful of "starting over" (and I don't, either.) It's hard when one person can take it or leave it and the other can't, because all the suck that coems with it is now firmly in the fault of the one who can't. If that makes sense.<br /><br />(I should point out: six months ago I was more concerned about this than I am now. My husband's attitude and behavior over the past year or so has shifted from "take it or leave it" to "let's take it!" and it's been joyful to feel like we're partnershipping this, which I can say I didn't always feel. But things being good NOW don't mean I don't remembe how they were THEN, and man, that was the suck)LizScotthttp://innerteub.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-28007461021465402952012-03-27T09:13:34.542-06:002012-03-27T09:13:34.542-06:00This is interesting! I am still trying to decide i...This is interesting! I am still trying to decide if I want my first one, but it's interesting to hear your thoughts on your second. One question--weren't you thinking of adopting your second baby? Why did you decide against that (if you did?)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-246359935877113092012-03-27T08:39:45.576-06:002012-03-27T08:39:45.576-06:00I think I get what you mean. I think that once you...I think I get what you mean. I think that once you actually have the second kid and Torsten loves it, you won't have to feel like you forced Torsten's hand. Well, that's what I hope.-R-http://andyouknow.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-74387968523509028092012-03-27T08:07:33.251-06:002012-03-27T08:07:33.251-06:00I've been reading your blog since around the t...I've been reading your blog since around the time you got pregnant, but I've never commented on it, so sorry for being a lurker! BUT! I had to comment on this post because THIS IS EXACTLY MY SITUATION. It was eerie the way you captured the circumstances and your feelings because it is exactly how my husband I feel. So, I just wanted to say thanks for making me feel not so alone. The world works in mysterious ways, and I hope (for both of us) that this will just work itself out.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04520176581461864840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-35601169906615874652012-03-27T07:14:05.727-06:002012-03-27T07:14:05.727-06:00I LOVE this kind of discussion, as you know.I LOVE this kind of discussion, as you know.Swistlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13126937282657655091noreply@blogger.com