tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post3264048668344000254..comments2024-03-26T04:27:54.485-06:00Comments on Du Wax Loolu: Conflict resolutionJesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15942269316108576622noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-83644556999699654972008-12-24T08:18:00.000-07:002008-12-24T08:18:00.000-07:00I can't offer up much here, as my last long-term r...I can't offer up much here, as my last long-term relationship ended a decade ago, and used to involve fights that were more like cage-matches with words instead of fists.<BR/><BR/>That being said... PET GOAT! That would be the awesomest pet *ever*! You could get him little booties like they make for the Seeing Eye Ponies!!!<BR/><BR/>I am in love with this idea. I wonder if you can housebreak a goat...the frog princesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05263491966906372090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-62070309396355282392008-12-18T17:03:00.000-07:002008-12-18T17:03:00.000-07:00I think some conflicts are more resolvable than ot...I think some conflicts are more resolvable than others. It depends on if it hinges on an underlying value that is not shared. For instance, many money conflicts are actually based on non-shared values--e.g., I value time with my family and want to spend money on family activities/events, my ex valued physical things and wanted to spend money on a nicer car. Those are more serious than a cat versus no cat.Brunhildahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07783804950701866714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-28010887363142077772008-12-17T08:39:00.000-07:002008-12-17T08:39:00.000-07:00My husband and I had some conflicts we couldn't ag...My husband and I had some conflicts we couldn't agree on while planning our wedding. Ultimately one of us decided that it just wasn't important enough to argue over.<BR/><BR/>I would imagine this would be harder to do in more serious situations.sassafrashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03452519826561552924noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-31646664959635987882008-12-17T07:53:00.000-07:002008-12-17T07:53:00.000-07:00D. and I don't fight either.The closest we eve...D. and I don't fight either.<BR/><BR/>The closest we ever came was when we were moving in together, surrounded by half-unpacked bags, boxes, and clutter in a postage-stamp-sized apartment. We were STRESSED. There was approximately 2 minutes of raised voices, and then immediate apologizes and an agreement to take a break from all the chaos in the room. :)<BR/><BR/>Our biggest conflict with happen within a few years. We both know it's coming. One day, D. will want to move back to NJ, closer to family & friends. I have NO DESIRE to move to NJ. I think it's terrible, actually. Living near his Mom would be a personal hell. Even his sisters and SIL (who I love) have told me - "Do NOT move here!" because his Mom is that controlling/crazy. Wow.<BR/><BR/>So... that waits in the wings. :) Until then, I don't expect too many upsets in our peaceful existence.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-81020688953219961512008-12-17T06:16:00.000-07:002008-12-17T06:16:00.000-07:00Me and hubs are the same way - we discuss things. ...Me and hubs are the same way - we discuss things. We'll go through pro's and con's to any idea and get to the bottom of it. We also agreed (early on)that we each have a veto right - and then the other partner has to drop the idea. Like say if hubby wanted a chrome livingroom table and I'd say VETO! He has to drop it and we try to come up with a compromise. Its worked wonderfully so far. <BR/>In the 9 years we've been together we've only had one BIG fight... about something we agreed about... but it was a matter of how to handle said situation that became a fight. <BR/>So good on ya- its much better than having huge fights on a regular basis.Emblitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17536633790763026037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-4144935982603011862008-12-16T21:20:00.000-07:002008-12-16T21:20:00.000-07:00I have no conflict stories to share, but I just ha...I have no conflict stories to share, but I just have to say I love that Torsten's first choice for a pet is a goat, and I love even more that you prefaced that with "of course." Like it's so obvious. Like, of COURSE he wants a pet goat. Who doesn't?? That's adorable.Stefaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10128238432671375399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-60815702431704769112008-12-16T20:52:00.000-07:002008-12-16T20:52:00.000-07:00There are certain things that are important and th...There are certain things that are important and those that aren't. Knowing the difference, is the important part. Don't sweat the small stuff, and yes I agree never go to bed mad or angry. Often if you think about the conflict, it isn't the actual issue--but underlying things that are rubbing you the wrong way. You have to let it all go. If you guys are good at working out conflict that is key! That is half the battle right there!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-31131533059946563242008-12-16T17:51:00.000-07:002008-12-16T17:51:00.000-07:00oh dear. i could write 27 counter-posts to this o...oh dear. i could write 27 counter-posts to this one post. the ex lives in D.C., i live in the city of bourbon and horse races. he refuses to leave his job, i refuse to drop out of school. we are still crazy in love. welcome to the stalemate. :/Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17148936625664484016noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-88190563093304842672008-12-16T17:42:00.000-07:002008-12-16T17:42:00.000-07:00We are in a dog stalemate right now. I want a tin...We are in a dog stalemate right now. I want a tiny apartment appropriate one, he wants to wait for a house.SLynnRohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15016804259405363833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-21106944548042374832008-12-16T16:57:00.000-07:002008-12-16T16:57:00.000-07:00Hee. In my family, if you don't agree with my Gram...Hee. In my family, if you don't agree with my Grams and you have the audacity to actually SAY so, you'd best be apologizing and backtracking. Now that I'm thinking about it, a lot of my family members are like that. I'm not, and I'm also not willing to cave about some of my more definite beliefs, so usually we just drop topic and it's a sore spot for everyone.<BR/><BR/>I'm glad you and Torsten can discuss things like reasonable adults, and I don't think you have to fight to have a successful marriage.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-7454320060924834922008-12-16T15:20:00.000-07:002008-12-16T15:20:00.000-07:00I guess this is a reason to get married young. The...I guess this is a reason to get married young. The older I get, the less willing I am to accept that I am "wrong" about certain things rather than that I am just different from someone I'm dating. And if we're that different, we probably shouldn't be dating. As a male friend in his 30s put it, I get more uncompromising with my life with every passing year. Probably why I'll die alone. :)BShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00443151591518184608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-42761625051134723922008-12-16T14:20:00.000-07:002008-12-16T14:20:00.000-07:00I think it's great that you two are so matter-of-f...I think it's great that you two are so matter-of-fact about conflict resolution. You will benefit with a long and happy marriage!Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09021149519641295915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-20467905563733523762008-12-16T14:00:00.000-07:002008-12-16T14:00:00.000-07:00I say let him have the damn cat!I say let him have the damn cat!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-61135818072871855052008-12-16T13:57:00.000-07:002008-12-16T13:57:00.000-07:00I recently had an unresolvable argument with my mo...I recently had an unresolvable argument with my mother, too, so this has been a CHALLENGING TIME!<BR/><BR/>With my mother, we had to agree not to talk about it, because my arguments weren't affecting her opinions and her arguments weren't affecting my opinions, and all that was happening was we were both getting angrier and more incredulous.<BR/><BR/>With Paul and the children issue, I think the hardest thing is if the couple ALSO can't agree on which is the default route if a compromise isn't possible.Swistlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13126937282657655091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-78732244010816484952008-12-16T13:31:00.000-07:002008-12-16T13:31:00.000-07:00My BF and I have our moments, but that's just beca...My BF and I have our moments, but that's just because we're both very very similar in personality - in that we're both pretty strong, and always think we're right. This wasn't so great in the beginning of our relationship, when we were still teenagers essentially... but we figured it out, and now that we've been together for four years and are in our 20s, we're having less and less of those types of spats. I think we've matured, and can back down sooner than we used to.<BR/><BR/>I know he and I will have certain arguments when we're married, but that's just because I know him well enough now that I already know what makes him tick and what things he'll be willing to argue with me on. I'm very good at being the one who steers us clear of a fight, because I'm intuitive enough to know the right way to broach a subject that I know he has strong opinions on.<BR/><BR/>I think that when you know you love someone, you can figure out this sort of dance for dealing with those issues that you just don't agree on. I don't think it's common for couples not to have a few disagreements, because even though you're a couple, you are both still individuals and that's perfectly okay. As long as you can agree on the things that effect both of you and the relationship on the whole, it's alright if you don't agree on absolutely everything else. But you have to be mature enough not to drag out disagreements. <BR/><BR/>And I really think that you should never go to bed angry. Even if an argument is just not over by the time you go to bed, I think it's important to seperate yourselves from the disagreement and tell each other you love each other; because tomorrow is always a new day, and there's no need for grudges. Oftentimes things seem much more minor the morning after.The Wonder Worrierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04714821561489042931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-10537080577241660512008-12-16T13:24:00.000-07:002008-12-16T13:24:00.000-07:00Oh, sure. We have ongoing disagreements, but for t...Oh, sure. We have ongoing disagreements, but for the most part they're things that we've "agreed to disagree" on. <BR/><BR/>Religion was a big issue for us for a while, so much so that we talked to our pastor about it. He helped us to see that our issue wasn't a huge deal, and that it was okay if our Lutheran children also say the rosary, Hail Mary, etc. in respect to my Catholic upbringing. <BR/><BR/>We're similar to you guys though - we have arguments, but never lasting ones. I can't see the sense of staying mad at someone when the resolution to the conflict is surely out there, waiting.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-63340635206599998662008-12-16T13:12:00.000-07:002008-12-16T13:12:00.000-07:00I don't think I've reached a stalemate in my marri...I don't think I've reached a stalemate in my marriage yet, but I'm assuming it'll come one day, especially when we have kids.Larissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08690789194619561508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-23983171029436901672008-12-16T12:28:00.000-07:002008-12-16T12:28:00.000-07:00"So sometimes one of us will do something we shoul..."So sometimes one of us will do something we shouldn't have done..."<BR/><BR/>You mean like wanting a cat?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-34844767952969624562008-12-16T12:23:00.000-07:002008-12-16T12:23:00.000-07:00Oh, ok, I get it. Conflict Resolution means taking...Oh, ok, I get it. Conflict Resolution means taking the idea of your partners, squashing it, then convincing them that that's really not what they wanted in the first place.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-69766375793140630762008-12-16T11:12:00.000-07:002008-12-16T11:12:00.000-07:00I'm probably not the best to answer such a questio...I'm probably not the best to answer such a question. My past relationship ended because of the issue of compromising on things. <BR/><BR/>As for family, though, when we disagree and can't come up with a resolution we just agree to disagree. It works for us.Kristiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06711250635865954102noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-37746949239526760902008-12-16T10:49:00.000-07:002008-12-16T10:49:00.000-07:00Mister and I don't fight - but we do disagree some...Mister and I don't fight - but we do disagree sometimes and we have highly developed conflict resolution skills to hand it.<BR/><BR/>We do have different ideas about when we want to have children, but I think especially with the big things, it’s so crucially important that we are on the same page that it’s worth putting in the time to figure things out. And we're both thinking 5+ years away, so there is that time.<BR/><BR/>However if he wanted to have 6 kids, I would run screaming. I’ve read Twilight! I know how they get out of you!Kyla Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15532585682101907154noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-70669558947969414892008-12-16T10:36:00.000-07:002008-12-16T10:36:00.000-07:00I don't like conflict and work to resolve it immed...I don't like conflict and work to resolve it immediately. The relationship with the SO fell apart because the conflict resolution consisted of me quieting my needs and accommodating his. Not healthy nor sustainable. As with everything I've done in life, I've learned much from this experience.Vanessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14149777435132497067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-25774509608886669912008-12-16T10:03:00.000-07:002008-12-16T10:03:00.000-07:00Marriage is all about compromise - some bend us mo...Marriage is all about compromise - some bend us more than we wish. I think the point is feeling heard, supported, and knowing that you will take turns doing the most severe bending over. I don't want to live in NY but we have to for my husband's job. I hate it. But, he commuted across the country for two years so I could go to my grad school of choice. We take turns and keep talking!Mollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09737883086499020291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-57513723474191314132008-12-16T09:47:00.000-07:002008-12-16T09:47:00.000-07:00I definitely get in fights with my husband - but w...I definitely get in fights with my husband - but we are far, far less gracious and compromising than we should be.<BR/><BR/>Oh, children. That's a whole other story.<BR/><BR/>I think I'd like to stay home with my children (when we have them), but my husband told me the other night he'd like me to have a career. <BR/><BR/>So, looks like we'll have some differences whence the babies start!Ashley // Our Little Apartmenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13452050735921065657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2119996845182958780.post-12869214455266149462008-12-16T09:28:00.000-07:002008-12-16T09:28:00.000-07:00Here's the thing that I've learned about relations...Here's the thing that I've learned about relationships. People need to want similar things and/or need to be flexible in order for longevity to settle in. You and Torsten seem to want similar things and are both willing to compromise. Same holds true with Sweets and me. Only Sweets definitely doesn't want a goat. =) I'm not sure we've come to a point in our relationship where we've hit an impasse. And if we did, it was something super minor, like what flavor of ice cream to buy that week, so I'm not sure that really counts. =)Nilsa @ SoMi Speakshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08474642034399063234noreply@blogger.com