Woof

Yesterday someone asked me why we decided to move to Denver. I covered this somewhat when I announced that we were moving, but it can't hurt to go into more detail. So, here are the main reasons:

• Weather. Denver is cold sometimes, but not overly so, and it's not humid and has tons of sun, plus real seasons. The climate is ideal for us.
• City size. We don't want to be in a huge metropolis or a tiny town. Denver is a nice, mid-size city with a lovely downtown area and stuff to do, without being overcrowded or full of tourists.
• Cost of living. Denver is very affordable, at least compared to DC. This has a positive impact on a lot of things, but one of the main ones is that we can afford to buy a house that isn't miles out of town, which means that we do not have to worry that we will spend most of our day on a long commute.
• Beauty. Denver is gorgeous, and very outdoorsy. There are the mountains, obviously, but there are also rivers and lakes and parks galore. It's a very healthy town with a focus on activity, which means lots of bike paths and walking paths.
• Location. I love the west, and so does Torsten. It might not be within driving distance of all those big East Coast cities, but we never drove to those. I could totally see us taking a road trip to the Dakotas, though. Or to Salt Lake City, or Santa Fe, or Phoenix.
• It's pet-friendly. I am dying to have a dog, and DC just isn't the place for that. I mean, it's definitely doable, but it's not exactly a pet-loving, outdoorsy sort of place. In Denver, I get the sense that tons of people have pets, and there are lots of place to take them with you on hikes or jogs or whatnot.

Now, speaking of that last one--when we move to Denver, we are FINALLY getting a dog. Torsten really wants a lab, but I think we're going to wait on that one until we have a house and possibly a child. Labs are adorable, but they are big and energetic and I can't imagine that they will do so well in an apartment.

The awesome thing about this move, though, is that we are finally, after years of waiting, in a good position to have a dog. The city is right, a lot of apartments are pet-friendly, and someone will be home all day to take care of the dog so it won't get lonely or feel cooped up.

Now, we are not going to get the dog right away--we're going to wait until we've found an apartment and are settled in. But, obviously this is one of those places where I totally get ahead of myself and start looking on all the shelter and rescue sites in the Denver area for possible dogs.

And I am totally overwhelmed. Here are the basic criteria:

• The dog should be about two years old. We want it to be an adult but still live for a long time.
• It should be medium-sized, somewhere in the range of fifty pounds.
• It should be medium-energy. It shouldn't be totally lethargic and have to be dragged on walks, but nor should we have to take it on a ten-mile hike every day just to keep it from destroying the house.
• It should also be house-trained and crate-trained, and if not already obedient, at least trainable. It needs to be decent around kids and other dogs, because we may obtain both during its life. But that stuff is about the individual dog, not the type of dog.

So basically, we want a dog that is medium in every way--age, size, and temperament. And so far, I haven't found the exact dog or breed that fits the bill. There are a couple that could turn out to be right, and ultimately we'll have to visit with a few dogs to find the one that just feels like a good fit. But in the meantime, I'd like to do some research and have more of a general idea what we're looking for before we launch ourselves on a room full of dogs and I fall in love with the most inappropriate one there, like a pit bull/Great Dane mix.

Here are the dogs that I've found so far and think could be a good match:


Pepper is a 2-year-old Australian Cattle Dog described on the website as being sweet, mellow, and well-trained. I wonder about the breed, though, because Australian Cattle Dogs in general are high-energy and like having jobs to do, which our dog wouldn't have.


This is Jersey, a basset hound that I am in love with. She is sweet and mellow but not too mellow, but she's a bit older (6) than we want. Torsten doesn't like basset hounds (which is horrifying) and they also tend to bark, so she probably wouldn't be the best choice, but I LOVE HER.


Fern is a bit older (5) than we wanted, but she is just SO cute and apparently sweet and cuddly and adorable. God, I love beagles.


Stormy is an otterhound, which I've never heard of before. The description doesn't talk about weight and age, so it's hard to tell on those counts, but apparently she's very sweet and lovable. Torsten wants her. I'm a little less sold.


Abbey is a Welsh Corgi, one of my favorite breeds but not so much for Torsten. But look how CUTE. And apparently she is a total sweetheart. I don't know how old she is, though.

So what do you think? Do any of these dogs stand out to you? Or more generally, do you have any recommendations, either positive or negative, about specific breeds?

What does it mean to be from a place?

So, it probably won't come as a shock to any of you that I am writing so much about Denver. I know it's a lot, but I've been thinking about this so much, and all this stuff has been going through my head, and I haven't been able to post about any of it until now. So, well, brain dump!

My moving history goes like this:

Birth to age 4: Western Massachusetts
Ages 4 to 17: North Carolina
Ages 17 to 18: Toulouse, France
Ages 18 to 22: Western Massachusetts (with stints on Long Island and in Senegal)
Ages 22 to 24: Washington, DC
Age 24 to ??: Denver (!!!)

Of those places, I identify most with being from North Carolina. Yes, I'm a Red Sox fan by birth, but pretty much all of my childhood memories are based in North Carolina, and that was the place that influenced me most growing up.

But now? Well, I tried to be from DC. I went to Nats games and Wizards games and Caps games. I did the nonprofit thing and went to parties and got to know the Metro system inside and out. I live right in the city and have the prototypical young, urban lifestyle. I even got married right in the city instead of going to the Virginian countryside as many DC people do.

But I'm just not feeling it, really, and I never find it automatic to respond "DC" when someone asks where I'm from. And we get that question a lot, because people hear Torsten's accent. My answer is always like, "Well, he's German, and I'm from North Carolina, but we live in DC." Which is really just way too complicated.

But I am so ready to be from Denver. I'm excited to get a vote that matters, and have a Colorado license plate on our new car, and root for the Nuggets and the Broncos. I'm not sure I can root for the Rockies, though--I mean, they're in the National League, so I can vaguely like to see them win, but they played the Red Sox in the World Series very recently, and the Red Sox were all over that, and my loyalties there definitely remain the same. Some things just can't change.

So, the Rockies will be my exception, but I'm already trying to feel the Denver pride. There was a guy on Jeopardy from Denver the other day, and I rooted for him just on that basis. And he won! I felt very pleased with myself.

And--and this is a big thing--barring some sort of unexpected issue--our kids will be born there. We might be transplants, but they'll be native Coloradans. I'll give birth there. We'll own a home there. We will make friends there--we WILL. I am DETERMINED on that count.

I think it's so exciting to be settling in a place and actively trying to put down long-term roots. I'm excited to be from somewhere new, Torsten and me both. I'm excited to be a Colorado family together.

I just wonder how long it will take before I can easily say, "Oh, we're from Denver."

Why do you live where you live?

First things first, in the excitement over the big news yesterday I forgot to pick a contest winner. So last night I went through all the comments. I was going to pick a winner based on which guess I liked best, but so many of them were awesome that I gave up and went back to my old friend the random integer generator. And the winner is Devan! For the record, she guessed that we are buying a house, a puppy, or both. She was wrong! Although we do hope to get a dog shortly after moving to Denver. But I did clearly state that the most accurate guess would not necessarily be the winning one. So, Devan, email me your info and at some point during the pre-moving frenzy I will get a prize out to you!

Now, moving on. A lot of people have expressed surprise or other strong reactions to the fact that we're not moving to Denver for a concrete REASON such as a job or to be near family or something.

When I gave my notice, the director of my department asked me why we were going to Denver. I think she more than most other people was open and understanding to our reasons for going--possibly because she knows that I'm happy in my current job and therefore it probably wasn't foremost in her mind that I would be moving across the country for the opportunity to leave my current position. And she's right. As I said yesterday, we decided to move to Denver, and then we looked for a way to make that happen.

Apparently that's not a very common thing to do? My own parents live in North Carolina because when they decided they didn't want to stay where they were (Massachusetts--too cold for them), NC was the best of my dad's transfer options with his company. It's not Kansas, but it isn't the place they would have chosen if they could have gone anywhere.

And that's the situation for a lot of people. I know there are tons of reasons why people move--jobs, family, school, convenience, money. But just deciding that you want to be somewhere does not seem to be a common reason to move. Or am I wrong?

I mean, the way we wound up in DC was a bit random for both of us. When I was in college, I wanted to move to Chicago after graduation, and during my junior year I arranged a summer internship there that fell through at the last minute. I was abroad at the time and my sister, who was already living in DC, helped me find a place to live there, so I found an eleventh-hour internship and spent the summer in DC.

I liked it, it was near family, there were job opportunities, and I liked the fact that there was so much nonprofit and government work here, leading to a lot of very idealistic, driven young residents. So after graduation, I didn't look anywhere else. I moved here to DC, I liked it fine, and I don't regret it at all. But I couldn't imagine settling here.

Torsten, on the other hand, sort of stumbled onto DC by accident. He was in grad school and wrote to a bunch of professors in search of a research position while he worked on his thesis. He wound up at the University of Maryland, and the professor he worked with (who is still a friend, and in fact was a groomsman in our wedding) wound up introducing him to the man who is now his boss.

So, here we are, for various reasons, which involve some measure of choice but a lot of measures of chance and circumstance as well. And this move to Denver is us thinking deliberately about the rest of our lives, and where and how we want to spend them. I know that we are very lucky to be in a position where we can make such a calculated decision and uproot ourselves like this. And it makes me wonder how many people have done similar things for similar reasons.

So tell me, why do you live where you live?

FINALLY I can spill the beans!

OK. You guys have been so patient with me and I'm so sorry it all took this long! And all the details still aren't worked out, but everyone who needs to be informed has been, so I can finally tell you the news.

Those of you who guessed that we are buying a car: You're right.

But that's not the big news. That's just a side effect of the big news.

The big news is: Torsten and I are moving to Denver. In three weeks.

I KNOW, right? That IS big, isn't it? It's not just me thinking that? We're going to pack up everything we own and let strange people put it into a truck and drive across the country with it and then live in a brand new town where we know basically nobody. That's a big deal, isn't it? And also, see? I told you I wasn't pregnant!

Now, I've told a fair few people about this, and they all seem to have similar questions. So let's do a little FAQ, shall we?

1. Why Denver?
Neither Torsten nor I loves DC, and we definitely don't love the high cost of living here. We're planning our lives, looking to settle down and get ready to start a family, and we don't want to do it here. The things that make DC expensive are things we don't take advantage of. We never go to museums or free cultural events or fun city things. All we really want is a nice-size city with good weather, a couple good restaurants, decent shopping, and a nice atmosphere. A place where would want to raise kids, basically. Denver is that place. It is gorgeous, with stuff to do, great parks and lots of outdoorsy stuff in general, a nice downtown, a very reasonable cost of living, and lovely weather. Plus, the people are supposed to be great (maybe it's all the sun they get).

2. But isn't it cold in Denver?
Sometimes, yes. Denver is very dry, which I am thrilled about as I hate humidity (and not just because of what it does to my hair). It has approximately 300 days of sun per year. It's cold in the winter, and it snows, but not as much as you would think because it's protected from a lot of the winter storms by the mountains. And the cold isn't nonstop. It'll be cold there for awhile and then it'll be sunny and mild. In fact, it is often colder in DC in the winter than it is in Denver.

3. What are you doing in Denver? How are you making this happen?
Torsten and I have been trying to make this happen for awhile, but were trying to figure out the job situation first so we could guarantee that we wouldn't wind up broke on the streets of Denver. Especially in this job market, it's a little scary to let go of a good, steady job, so we wanted to be as stable as possible when we did it. I got offered a job in Denver, and Torsten will be working remotely in the same job he has now.

4. Aren't you scared about picking up and moving across the country to a place where you don't know anyone?
Yes and no. Torsten will be with me, and with him as a constant nothing else is as scary. And while I don't have any friends there yet, I do know a couple of bloggers and friends of friends there, and I think that will be a great starting point for getting settled and making friends. Still, even though I don't want to stay in DC, it will be hard to pull up the roots that I've put down here over the past three years. I have friends here, and my sister is here, and the city has been the site of many important things to me--the first place I lived on my own, where I met Torsten, where I got married. I am certain that there will be tears when our apartment is empty and I have to say goodbye to people. But for now, I'm mostly excited.

5. Aren't your parents upset?
My parents, remarkably, are very excited about this. Well, maybe it isn't that remarkable, given that they tend to be very supportive of me, but it is remarkable given that I will be much further from them than I am now. But they think Denver is a great place and are looking forward to visiting, and know that I will still visit them. Torsten's parents are less thrilled, since we will be further from them and since they are the type to live in the same place and stay in the same job forever (a common German mindset, apparently), but they're trying.

6. Where will you live? Do you have an apartment?
We don't exactly know where we're going to live yet. The general plan (details yet to be confirmed) is to just go there, get there a few days before the moving truck, and stay in a hotel until we find an apartment. Is that insane? I will make some calls to make sure that some buildings have immediate availability, so that we aren't living too much on the edge. But it just isn't worth it to fly out there for a few days ahead of time just to look for a place. And hey, if we can't take a few risks when we're young and unencumbered, when can we?

7. You got a car! Cool! What kind?
It's a 2006 Honda Civic. Not exactly the most exciting car in existence, but practical and very good value. And yes, we are looking forward to driving it 1,700 miles across the country. On Valentine's Day. And the day after that. And the day after that. It's going to be awesome. I can't wait to get there.

SAG Red Carpet

OK, tomorrow I will finally get to talk about my news, so this is the last post of fluff in the meantime. Did anyone watch the Screen Actors Guild awards last night? I didn't, but I did check out the red carpet photos, duh. All photos from here.

First, the bad.

Angelina Jolie? Well, she was wearing a color, a real one, but she's wearing her third or fourth boring sack in a row. What's with all the dresses that sag over her top half, are slightly cinched at the waist, and then hang boringly from her hips? I mean, seriously. Mix it up a little!


Now, I love Kate Winslet, and I think she's gorgeous, and I know the color of her dress is really trendy, but the whole thing was just very off-putting for me. It was just SO tight across the hips and midsection, and the top part made her shoulders look very broad and square and her boobs look very far apart, fifties-style.


Marcia Cross, no no no. So busy! Like an eighties prom dress, except without shoulder pads (at LEAST).


At first I thought that America Ferrera's dress had promise, but then I saw the skirt. Can someone please explain to me why sacks have come back into fashion? Because everyone seems to be wearing them. I once learned that skirt size was inversely related to the state of the economy--the worse off the economy, the shorter and tighter the skirts of the day. But in this case, apparently not.


If it's not the skirt that looks like a sack, it's the top. Christina Applegate, what IS this?


Maybe I'm very gender-normative, but I love it when Susan Sarandon wears dresses instead of pantsuits. But this looks like a nightie. And not in a good way.


The frills around Eva Longoria-Parker's boobs aren't doing her any favors, and the ones around her midsection are even worse. This dress just eats her.


I love Lisa Edelstein and think she is gorgeous. But WHAT is that thing hanging from her shoulder? It's even worse than Nicole Kidman's Oscars 2007 dress with the giant bow.


Now, the good. And maybe this is a sign that I am not so on board with the fashions of the moment? But I didn't see much that was good, and even less that was great.

Claire Danes looks nice. Her boobs appear nonexistent, but the dress has shape and is relatively simple.


I'm torn on Amy Adams. I love the color, obviously, and the fact that the dress has a lovely tailored shape. But that... THING on her torso? Not so sure.


OK, the top parts of the the dress look kind of like boob-wings? But this dress is super flattering on Paula Abdul, and for her, pretty tame. I think she looks great.


I wouldn't have thought that I would love Laura Linney's dress (I would certainly not have ever chosen that color myself), but I kind of do. I'm not sure what it is.


Teri Hatcher's dress is, for me, a clear example of how frills and embellishments can be done well and not look over-the-top. Love.


Rosario Dawson's dress is a bit much, but she can pull it off, and it's definitely dazzling.


I LOVE Viola Davis's dress. Great color, great cut, incredibly flattering. Heart.


So who were your best- and worst-dressed on the red carpet last night?

Front of the queue

OK, apparently sometimes complaining works, because I'm not in a holding pattern anymore. Of course, the blog announcement is still, because there are a few things I have to take care of before I can talk about it on such a public forum, but it's happening, and I believe that Tuesday will be the day that I can finally talk about it! And don't worry, now I'm more than a little paranoid that you will all be like, eh, whatever, that news is stupid and trivial and I can't believe you made us wait for two weeks for this.

But I REALLY don't think so, because I am so excited about this and that makes it big news, right? Because it's big to me and this is my blog... right? Well, I guess we'll find out on Tuesday, won't we?

So, let's change the subject! I have a question for you all about your idea of wedding etiquette. Different people seem to have very different opinions on this, so I want to take an informal survey. I have my own thoughts on this, but if you're willing to share, I'd love to hear what you think: How much do you normally spend on a wedding gift? Does it depend on how close the friend is? Do you spend more if you bring a date? If you have to pay travel expenses, do you spend less? Do you send a gift even if you can't attend?

Things I've discovered recently

1. I like popcorn. I always thought I didn't, but over Christmas I tried some of my mom's and it was delicious. It's even better with nutritional yeast. Is that common knowledge, or is it something that most people don't know? Torsten thinks nutritional yeast is disgusting. I think he's crazy.

2. The huge work project that I've been working on is no longer due tomorrow. It's been extended by two weeks. Which is awesome, since I spent three days of my five-day weekend working on it. But now we are way ahead of schedule, so I guess that makes it worthwhile. Still, I'd kind of like to have my weekend back.

3. Not getting to say "I do" pales in comparison to the comedy of errors that was Obama taking the oath of office on Tuesday. First he interrupts Roberts. Then Roberts puts the word "faithfully" in the wrong place. Then Obama realizes the error and stops midsentence. Then Roberts tries again, puts "faithfully" in the right place, but forgets the word "execute." Then Obama repeats the phrase fully, but uses the incorrect version that Roberts gave the first time. A couple of newbies, those two. I was just imagining how much worse our ceremony would have been if our officiant had bumbled along and botched our vow prompts like that instead of just dropping part of it. Let's just hope that Obama gets reelected so that he gets a chance to do it right the next time, huh?

4. I should really be trying more new recipes. In preparation for quitting Weight Watchers, I've been printing out all the recipes I may want to use, and have found quite a few that look very tasty. Trying new things might help me break out of my rut, too. But it will also involve more thoughtful grocery shopping and effort at the end of a long workday. We'll see how this one plays out. Maybe just one new recipe per week to start with. Ease into it, so to speak.

5. DC has swimming pools ("aquatic centers") that are free to residents and apparently very nice. Swimming is my favorite kind of exercise, and I think it's about time that I found an exercise that I actually enjoyed WHILE I was doing it and not just after. I'm going to have to figure out a way to get myself to one of those aquatic centers on a regular basis.

6. I can have a serious one-track mind. I feel like I'm going in circles right now, waiting to land. And air traffic control keeps pushing me back in the queue.

Inauguration impressions, in photos

You guys, first of all, I so, so, so want to share my news, but I CAN'T. Not yet. And it is KILLING me. Seriously. But I swear, I will tell you (and pick a contest winner) as soon as I can. Hopefully this week. I WILL keep you posted. In the meantime I feel like I'm in a holding pattern because I have so much I want to talk about and I CAN'T.

But I do have a post up elsewhere today--over at Work It, Mom's Problem Solved blog, I'm giving out wedding planning tips. Because if there's anything I'm an expert on, that's it. Right?

And over here, let's talk about something fluffy! How awesome was Michelle Obama's ball gown last night? For those of you who missed it, here's a photo:


Seriously, perfect, and designed by Jason Wu, who is only 26 years old. Unbelievable.

I didn't watch the inauguration coverage all day yesterday, but I did watch the swearing in and a bit of the balls, and can I just say how amazing it is to have such a young, energetic family in the White House? Those girls are beyond adorable, and Barack and Michelle actually dance together. It's just a whole different vibe, because really, can you picture George and Laura doing this in front of the White House, or anywhere for that matter?


I'm just saying.

There were so many other adorable and touching moments during the day, and really pictures just say it best.

Sasha and Malia are just unspeakably cute:


I thought the way the Bidens and the Obamas escorted the Bushes to their helicopter and waved goodbye was incredibly classy and dignified:


But really, what gets to me most is the way Barack and Michelle interact. There is just so much love and respect evident between them. I have that with Torsten, and I love that our president has that too and is so willing to show it and set an example of a positive, equal marriage for everyone to see.

I mean, just look at them together:



So, what stood out for you about the inauguration?

President Obama

This inauguration gives me goosebumps. I'm in the same city as all these people, hiding from the crowd and the cold in my nice warm apartment, but just watching it on TV is amazing. The concert on Sunday was inspiring. Obama himself is inspiring. I know I am not alone in saying that I have high hopes for this country and this presidency.

I know Michelle Obama took a lot of heat for saying that for the first time in her adult life, she's proud to be an American, but I'm going to stand up there with her and say I feel the same way. Not that I'm not happy to be American, or that I don't have faith in what America can be, but for the last eight years, which comprise my entire adult life, our country has been going in a direction that I have not been proud of. And now I believe that we as a country, including our leadership, are going to try our best to do the best that we can. And I believe that the international community sees it that way as well.

When I watched that concert and Pete Seeger leading the crowd in singing This Land Is Your Land, for the first time that I can remember I felt truly patriotic. I felt that this country is a good, well-meaning place that will strive to be a positive force in the world. I felt that there is nowhere I would rather be and no country that I would rather be a part of. I haven't felt that way in a very long time.

I leave you with this:




Obama, welcome to the presidency. We are so glad you're here.

Elsewhere

I'm not working today, so I don't have a real post for you here, but I did post over at Not a Diet, so please head over there and lend me some support and/or advice, because I could use it.

Thanks! Happy Martin Luther King Day!

I don't want to have That Kid.

I'm really happy that American Idol is back on TV, but I have to say, it scares me a little to watch some of the people who came to try out because their families told them to. There was this one girl last night who was terrible, I mean seriously awful, and the worst part was that in her interview beforehand she said that she didn't think she was good enough to make it but her parents kept telling her how great she was and how she absolutely had to try out because she was such an awesome singer.

I mean, how seriously deluded do you have to be? It takes those parents who pitch fits that their precious children don't get enough playing time in the kiddie soccer league to a whole new level. Like, they're her parents. They have her best interests in mind. It's not like they're just trying to mess with her. And that leaves only the possibility that they actually think she's good. And she just really, really wasn't.

It scares me a little. It's like, I'm all about parental love and unconditional support, but sometimes you have to trust your family to tell you things that other people are too polite to say. If your family can't tell you that auditioning for American Idol is just going to be an exercise in humiliation for you, who can? And that's how misguided people end up sobbing and pleading with the judges and becoming roadkill for a bunch of rubbernecking American TV viewers.

Also, are Torsten and I going to wind up with a couple of useless brats who are plagues upon everyone who has to deal with them, thinking that they're the best, most perfect little angels ever to exist? I think this is a serious, and worrisome, question.

Why I'm quitting Weight Watchers

The reasons I'm quitting Weight Watchers are entirely practical--that thing charges me $17.95 a month and I hardly use it anymore. I need to be better about tracking my food intake, but I don't need to do it via points--I can just track normal calories on a free site. And also, I have most of the recipes that I use printed out, though I do intend to go on one last recipe-printing run before I cancel my membership. So, I'm going to cancel my membership and start using free resources instead.

But quitting Weight Watchers has made me think critically about weight loss and health. Weight Watchers helped me so much in learning about nutrition and health and making good choices for myself. Quitting it feels like the end of an era, even though really it's just a transition in strategy.

But it's more than that. I've been thinking about fat acceptance recently, mostly because I found this blog, which is a really fascinating and intelligent read. I have not been terribly impressed with the fat acceptance movement in the past, mostly because it's seemed hypocritically unsupportive, and I've read horror stories of people who were shunned by all their former friends if they lost weight or otherwise somehow violated the unspoken code.

But this blog isn't like that at all. It talks articulately and fascinatingly about all the problems with our societal obsession with dieting and being thin. It articulates a lot of thoughts that I've had before, like the ones I expressed in this post. It's an amazing blog and one that really helped me gain some distance from the whole healthy living thing and some perspective on my recent plateau.

I don't take it as far as they do; in fact, I think they would be incredibly unimpressed with my entire healthy living thing, or at least the Weight Watchers and weight loss components of it. They call calorie-counting tools "reprehensible"; although I understand why they think that, I disagree, and I also don't think that counting calories necessarily has to do with weight loss so much as conscious food intake decisions. I think it's possible to use fat acceptance as a movement to avoid taking control over your own health, but that's not what this blog is doing; instead, it's just trying to disengage the concepts of "fat" and "unhealthy," which have become so completely, and incorrectly, intertwined.

Hmph.

Well, I still can't reveal my big news, and the consolation prize for that is that for those of you who missed it yesterday, the contest is still open. I am really hoping to be able to explain everything tomorrow, but I make no promises. Believe me, I'm probably more frustrated about this than you are. Assuming that you're frustrated at all, that is.

So! Let's talk about something else! Perhaps I'll take this opportunity to lodge some complaints about things that have been bugging me recently.

1. People who ask questions that aren't actually questions. Case in point, last night I dropped my new prescription off with the pharmacist at CVS. It was around 8:00 p.m. and the pharmacy closes at 10:00. "Is tomorrow OK for this?" he asked me. "Oh, actually, I was just going to wait for it now," I said. "I can't have it for you until tomorrow," he told me. SO WHY DID HE ASK? Perhaps I'd be less annoyed about this if it weren't for the fact that CVS constantly messes up my prescriptions, once losing one entirely, once trying to sell me someone else's $75 prescription instead of my own $10 one, and more often trying to give me the generic thyroid medication when I actually need the brand name. If I never have to deal with these people again, it will be too soon.

2. Talking on the radio. I just cannot deal with this. NPR is a sometimes exception, but anything to do with DJs or listener calls or morning shows--well, it makes me want to die. It hurts my ears. It's just so much babble and it makes me feel claustrophobic. I hate it. And it's a thousand times worse if there's the tiniest bit of static. If Torsten could change one thing about me, this might be it--he loves the radio and background noise in general. He actually LIKES IT when our neighbors have loud parties while we're trying to sleep. Which one of us is the freak here? Because I think it's him.

3. The kitchen. It always needs to be CLEANED. And as soon as I've finished cleaning it, it's time to cook a meal and then the damn thing is dirty again. Not that Torsten doesn't do his share of cleaning the kitchen, but ugh. Just looking at a messy kitchen stresses me out, but I hate the process of cleaning it. I'm pretty sure I need a maid. And enough money to pay one.

4. People who don't respond to emails fast enough. Or, worse, people who do respond to emails but only answer one of multiple questions. Even if the email they're responding to neatly laid out the questions in a numbered list so that nothing could be missed.

5. Coats that are cut totally straight and so don't fit over my hips. Am I the only one who almost always has to go up at least one size when buying a winter jacket? I mean, I know I'm a pear shape, but for god's sake, most women have hips. Why would you make a coat that's the exact same width at the waist and hips? I just don't get it.

So, what's been bothering YOU these days?

Contest: Guessing Game!

First off, as an aside, let me just point you to my latest post at Not a Diet. It's about free weight loss resources, because I think I'm going to quit Weight Watchers, and I need something that doesn't charge me an arm and a leg to replace it. So, head over there and help me out, but also stay here and participate in my little contest.

When I write at least one post per week that insists that I'm not pregnant (which I am not), you can tell that something's going on, right? Things are happening and it's all very good and exciting, but I can't discuss it here just yet, and for that I am very sorry. I will talk about it, soon, very soon, but not just yet.

Believe me, I am not pulling one of those "Oooh I have something on my mind but I can't talk about it here so YOU WILL NEVER KNOW MUAHAHAHA" deals. I REALLY want to talk about it with you RIGHT NOW, but I have to wait, but not for much longer. Let's just say that that post I wrote about change? It wasn't about some sort of vague New Year's feeling, or the post-wedding blues. It was about something very specific, and something that is going to happen.

In the meantime, though, it would appear that having something big going on renders me utterly boring and un-funny, because I don't want to talk about anything else, and I have all these post ideas in mind but they all involve the Big Thing in one way or another, and so they will just have to wait, won't they? And believe me, this probably frustrates me more than it frustrates you.

But, in the meantime, let's have a guessing game! Guess what it is that's going on in my life that I can't talk about yet! There will be a prize, at some point, for someone, and it won't necessarily be for the most accurate guess--it might be for the most creative guess. So, have at it. What do you think the Big Thing is? And I will tell you the answer as soon as I possibly can.

Completely shallow post about hair

I need your help. And yes, it's frivolous and superficial and hair-related.

I've been thinking about straightening my hair recently. Not permanently, not chemically, but, you know... just to mix it up a little. I love the curls, and for a long time I've worn my hair short, but I think it's time to start growing it out a bit, and if I'm going to do that I'm going to need other ways to mix it up.

So, here's the thing. I love the way my hair looks when my stylist straightens it. Let's illustrate:


But I've never done it myself. And the few times I've had a friend do it, it's turned out pretty well but it has taken forever. And that's still by someone who can easily reach the back of my head.

And I do love the curls. So, I don't know. Is this something I should try to figure out? If so, how do I even go about it? Do I need a ceramic flat iron, or is there something else I should be using? Will this stuff damage my hair? What products do I need to make sure the straight thing stays? Or is this just a waste of time and money that will turn my natural curls into a frizzy half-straight mess?

On bridezillas as a concept

I'm sure that most of you has heard of the movie that's coming out soon, Bride Wars. It's pretty much impossible not to, considering that Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson are promoting the shit out of it. Seriously, they are everywhere, but as much as I love seeing Anne Hathaway's red carpet choices, I will not be seeing this movie. Even if I weren't already married and pretty much over weddings, I wouldn't be seeing this movie. Because, to be frank, it looks like a sexist, cliché piece of shit. The portrayal of the wedding as the most important thing in these women's lives, the way they turn on each other so easily over a minor conflict... it's just disgusting. But really, this review says everything that I could say, and very succinctly, so I highly suggest that you read it.

But the whole thing got me thinking about weddings and bridezillas. I hate the term bridezillas, and I hate the fact that this movie is such a cheap way to capitalize on that social idea of women as bridezillas. This movie buys into all those stereotypes that give weddings such a bad name and makes regular women feel that if they don't want to turn into a bridezilla and everything that represents, they can't have a traditional wedding at all.

I just find the entire concept of the bridezilla to be sexist and disempowering. There are very few women who act like this, and yet it's become such an easy, popular term to use that all those brides who fall into normal parameters--spending money and effort to make their wedding what they want, and having reasonable expectations that others will do what they say they will to make that happen, without treating everyone around them as disposable--hypersensitive to being labeled a bridezilla.

This happened to me the day before my wedding--I found out that my dress had been put back into its garment bag after being steamed and pressed, which meant that the satin would wrinkle again. Hyper-conscious of not wanting to be a bridezilla, I responded in what I felt was a mild, polite, and appropriate manner and found a solution to the issue (calling my father, who was at the hotel with the dress, to ask him to take it out of the bag before it wrinkled). And yet I got called a bridezilla, and it felt both hurtful and incredibly unfair. I still don't think I was being unreasonable at all, and I didn't get mad or yell or scream, and yet the second that word was used, I felt that I couldn't say any more about the situation or even respond to the allegation without making things worse.

Basically, "bridezilla" has become a term that makes regular people feel that they can't assert themselves in ways that would normally be well within their rights. It's become a way of fighting back, a way of, essentially, silencing someone. Brides are so worried about not being bridezillas that a lot of them are going too far in the opposite direction and not standing up for themselves when they should.

I'm not saying there aren't women (and men--yes, it happens) who go crazy over their weddings, who make it their number one priority at all costs and hurt people in the process, who act exactly like the characters in this movie. And that's inappropriate and unacceptable behavior on their part. But instead of turning it into a stereotype of how every bride will be and creating this term and this standard, can't we just treat these people as the anomalies they are? And certainly, can't we avoid making movies that spoon-feed this disempowering concept to the masses?

Antarctica

Torsten and I have our best conversations while in the car or on vacation (or both). By "best" I mean most productive, the kind that have the real ideas flowing. We always talk, communicate a lot, about daily life and what's going on in the news and how we're feeling, but it's when we're on the open road or lying on the beach that the real problem solving emerges, the goal-setting and the focus-driven discussions.

I think it's because we're relaxed, we're not distracted with quotidian minutiae, and the simple rhythm of a change of pace or the road rushing by helps us focus on the big picture, figure out what we want and how we're going to get it. But we always end up having the big discussions about careers and baby timelines and future goals when we're away, or on the road.

One of the beautiful things about being young and married is the gorgeousness of having our whole lives ahead of us. I know that there is always the possibility that we won't really, that something terrible and tragic could happen, that it seems complacent to feel this way, but it is a beautiful, amazing feeling to see so many years together stretching before you, an as-yet-unbroken surface. I love imagining the closeness, the shared history that we'll have after 20 or 40 years together.

I also love the list we made on our honeymoon, the list of all the places we'd like to travel during our lives. We put everywhere on there, every country or state that either of us had ever thought we might like to visit. At the end it seemed absurdly long, but then we thought, say we go on vacation an average of once per year for the rest of our marriage... well, by the end we'll have hit quite a few of these places.

We MIGHT have gone overboard a tad and privately assigned ranks to our top ten places and then compared and used a complicated formula to rank the order in which we as a couple would like to visit those places. And let's just say that if we did that, we would have found that a cruise to Antarctica was the joint number one, followed closely by a visit to southern Africa. Unfortunately, the ranking list can't make vacation decisions in a vacuum--the budget is a pretty important factor, so our next vacation will likely not be anywhere as exotic as either of those. But someday, during the many sun-dappled years we envision in front of us, we will go to those places. Both of them, and many more.

And just imagine how much great thinking we'll get done while we're there. For that matter, I'm pretty sure we should buy a car right now, so that we can become great scientists or perhaps presidents through the excellent thinking we'll do while driving. If THAT isn't a good reason to purchase a vehicle, I don't know what is.

The winds of change

I'm feeling a little restless. Not down, not blue, not depressed. I just want things to happen, I want to make them happen. And taking first steps toward that goal only whets my appetite. Browsing houses online just makes me want to apply for a mortgage, even though I know we're not there yet. Thinking about babies makes me want to purchase a tiny wardrobe and start picking names. Thinking about dogs makes me start viewing profiles on rescue group websites, and that can't lead anywhere pretty, at least not as long as we're living in a building that doesn't allow pets.

DC is feeling a little unsettled right now, too. The Obama family is moving in and inauguration preparation is well underway, and as a result there are more cops and secret service officers and motorcades around than usual. Apparently on inauguration day it is advised that nobody try to go anywhere; the crowds are expected to be astronomical, most bridges into the city will be closed to all but official traffic, and the lines for the metro are allegedly going to be hours long. Of course, we have a four-day weekend thanks to Martin Luther King Day and Inauguration Day being back to back. So, we have the option of braving the airports and getting the hell out of town (but going where?) or just holing ourselves up in the apartment for five days and pretending we're snowed in.

Perhaps it is easier to face, even embrace change because I have Torsten by my side. He is a constant, he is the most important thing, he means that nothing will ever utterly change because he will always be here and I will always be here with him. And so everything else isn't as scary because it isn't just me anymore, dealing with it all.

The city matches my mood. Restless, waiting for change, waiting for things to happen. The things aren't nameless, they are specific, but they aren't here yet. I want them to start. I am impatient. I want answers. I want movement. I am pushing and I want someone to push back.

Domestic order

Well, 2008 was a great year for me, but I can't say that I'm sorry to see it go. I am very pleased with 2009 so far (pure relaxation and rest), and I have big plans for the rest of it. Filling out that survey the other day made me think about what it will look like at the end of 2009, and all I can say is that I think things will be very different around here by then (and no, I am not pregnant). There are just a lot of plans and changes that we have in mind for the year, and I am very much looking forward to implementing them.

This weekend Torsten and I started going through our closet and bagging up the clothes that are still in perfectly good condition but that we just don't wear anymore for one reason or another. We aren't done yet, but there are already many bags of stuff that need to be donated. This, along with our old dishes that are boxed up and waiting to be brought somewhere, mean that I am going to have to do some real research into where these things can be donated. Although it's entirely possible that I'll cop out and dump the whole lot at a Planet Aid box sometime soon.

I did learn one thing about Torsten during this process, though, and that's that he is a total brand whore. This is how the process went over the weekend: I would hold up a shirt that I haven't once seen him wear during the entire time that I've known him. He would wrinkle his nose, not even recognizing it, but if it turned out to be made by Hugo Boss or Calvin Klein, a prolonged conflict would ensue before I was finally able to convince him that he really was never going to wear the thing again. And in some cases, I didn't convince him, so now we have a small monument to "brand names that are otherwise useless" in the back of our closet. Oh well. Baby steps, right?

And speaking of home organizing, my next goal is go through our drawers and drawers full of old papers, shred quite a bit of stuff, and organize the rest of it. Right now, the only papers we have organized are things that have to do with Torsten's green card application--and then, only because we have to have it that way, and it was a huge hassle pulling it all together. Everything else is is stuffed into drawers, and is either totally unnecessary or requires a huge time commitment of extended digging before it can be produced.

Right now that's kind of OK, because we don't have anything really major going on, but once we own something, like a house or a car, and have debt and whatnot to keep track of, and deductions to take on our taxes, it won't be acceptable anymore. So my goal is to get on top of this before it becomes absolutely necessary, so when we do start getting paperwork that actually needs to be filed, the infrastructure will already be in place to file it. I can already tell how we're going to use that Container Store gift card we got as a wedding gift...

So what about you? Are you organized when it comes to household papers and whatnot? If so, how do you do it? And if not, do you ever plan to be or are you fine with the current state of disorder?