Fabulosity

So this one time, there was this awesome blogger named Alice, and we lived pretty much in the same town, but we were stupid and it didn't occur to us that hello, we could meet up in person and have fun and drink beer and it would be awesome.

But then there was this other time, after we'd been reading each other's blogs for I don't know, a year? When Alice had the groundbreaking idea that hey! Let's have dinner!

So we did. Last night. Alice brought along her wife and I brought along my fiance. And it was great.

Everyone knows already that Alice is awesome (and if you didn't, read this post by her wife that neatly enumerates everything about her that is so awesome). But as it turns out? She is even more awesome in person. And also? Gorgeous. Just like her wife. Who is equally awesome.

And if you were wondering why they're married? It's because they are truly best friends. The friendship and the closeness they have are the kind of thing that most people can only dream of having. And they have so much fun together. And their fun is completely infectious. And um, to that guy who did the triple take when he heard us having a completely inappropriate conversation that may or may not have involved the concept of women doing something that only men are physically capable of doing? We're sorry. Sort of.

The only downside is that I came straight from work and didn't think to bring my camera. Luckily, Alice is a step ahead of me, so check over at her place for pictures of what was a seriously fabulous dinner. (Update: But not yet on the photos. Maybe tomorrow?)

God I love blogging. How else would I know so many incredible people? And some of them even live in my town! Which means there will have to be another dinner with the Mrs. and Mrs. shortly.

What about you guys? What fabulous experiences have you had thanks to your blog?

Majority rules

Perhaps unsurprisingly, of all the comments I got on yesterday's post, very few people said that they did not want to see photos of my injury. And many people said they actively did want to see. So, to the three of you who would probably not cause a huge traffic jam by rubbernecking an accident, please avert your eyes.

Unfortunately I do not have any photos of my leg in all its muddy, bloody glory. I'm a bad blogger, I know, but my self-documenting instincts were overcome by the pain of having so much dirt in my wounds and the need to get it out before I keeled over from the burning.

Anyway, a nice, clean shot from the next day will have to suffice:


Now, since we're already talking about me today, I'm going to go ahead and answer the rest of the questions that you all asked me about myself.

First, JMC asks, What is your favorite restaurant, and what do you typically order there?
Even though I live in a big city and am from a small town, surprisingly, my favorite restaurant is a sushi place in North Carolina. I order a variety of things there, but my main staple is the crunchy shrimp roll. Mmm.

Next, lfar asks, In two words, describe your most important virtues.
I have actually been thinking about my response to this question for awhile, and rather than considering a vast array of traits, I got stuck on two that seem like dealbreakers for me. So I'll go with them: thoughtfulness and intelligence.

Nilsa asks, What are the odds all eligible players will return to UNC in the fall?
Well, since Hansbrough has said he's returning, we only have to worry about Ellington and Lawson. My hope is that Hansbrough's return will convince them to withdraw from the draft. We'll have to see. Fingers crossed!

Hope wants to know, What is one of your favourite movie moments and why?
I struggled with this question because I am really not that into movies. I think I'd have to go with the scene in The Princess Bride when Buttercup pushes Westley and as he rolls down the hill, he yells out, "As... you... wish..." and then she throws herself down the hill after him. It's just so brilliantly hilarious and also true.

Shauna asks, If you only had one day to live, how would you spend it?
This is a fascinating question. I wouldn't want to do anything too stressful; I'd probably just want to relax with Torsten. I'd be happy to lie with him in a field by the ocean. And also I would obviously eat tons of high-calorie food that I've sworn off since Weight Watchers, since I wouldn't have to worry about my health. Plus the obvious stuff like calling my family to say goodbye and having sex. And maybe I'd write some sort of epic blog post too.

Sid wants to know, What was your childhood dream?
I hate to be boring, but I wanted to be a writer from the age of eight. I know, not exactly original. But I really did. And now that's what I do. Although not exactly in the way I dreamed. I don't think I fantasized about writing for public health campaigns. But still.

Rebecca says, Although there are many variables in the when to have a family equation, if you had to select the age you would be when you first become a mom - what is it?
I want to be a relatively young mom. So I'd say 26 or 27.

Poodlegoose asks, If you could pick any career, completely void of repercussions of any sort or disgruntled family members, what would it be?
I love writing and editing, which is what I do. Maybe in a slightly different field? Like literary agency.

Lara has myriad questions. (1) If you were a doughnut, what kind would you be?
I guess I'd be my favorite kind of doughnut, which is custard-filled with chocolate icing. Yummy.
(2) If you could have a drink with one dead famous person of your choosing (but they wouldn't be dead, they'd be randomly alive for purposes of drinking with you), who would you choose?
I don't knooooow. Amelia Earhart, maybe, just so I could find out what happened.
(3) How do you have time to read all the blogs that you read, little missy???
I read them slowly, a couple at a time when I need a break. And I organize my Google Reader into categories so it doesn't feel as overwhelming.
(4) If you had to change your name to something foreign (like Lupe or Annika or something like that), what would you change it to?
Um, actually I really like the name Annika (see my answer to Swistle's question below). So I'll go with that.
(5) What's your favorite zoo animal and why?
Tigers, because I like stripes and they have sweet faces.

Sally wants to know, Is there anything you regret?
No, not really. I am really happy with my life right now, and everything that has happened up until now has gotten me here, so even if it wasn't enjoyable at the time, I don't regret that it happened. My regrets are more about minor things that I could have done for other people and didn't do. Like this, for example.

Banana asks, What location do you think of when someone says to close your eyes and go to your happy place?
I hate to be boring, but I don't ever do that. If I try, I usually think of grass and water and cool sunny days.

RA asks, What are you reading now? Is there a so-called classic book that you had to read but hated?
I am currently reading Fat Girl by Judith Moore. I really like it. And I wasn't forced to read this, but I read Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger thinking I would like it, since I liked Catcher in the Rye, but I couldn't even get through it.

Ami asks, What is your guiltiest pleasure?
I don't feel guilty about much, really. Probably something to eat with lots of calories, since I'm not supposed to indulge in that stuff on Weight Watchers.

L Sass says, Have I asked you about your eighth grade outfit yet? Please describe.
When I was in eighth grade, I had trouble picking clothes because most regular clothes didn't fit me and plus size clothing was still designed only with grannies in mind. So I was pretty much forced to order my clothes from Delia's, which at the time did not have stores, so I did it old school through the catalog. I did once get this white mesh-type dress from Express that fit me by some miracle, and I wore it to a school dance, and I was so, so happy about it.

Swistle has several questions. First, she says, I would like to know some of the baby names you like. But I know that's not something everyone wants to share, in case of SNITCHING!
We have a couple of contenders that we both like that I won't share, but I will tell you two names that I love that Torsten has shot down, much to my chagrin: Shelley and Annika. For boys, I tend to like names that end with N, such as Owen, Simon, and Adrian.

Next, she says, I'd like to know if you're hoping your biological children will inherit your curly hair.
Yes. Yes I am. Particularly if they're girls. I also want them to inherit Torsten's red hair (although it's less red now than it was when he was a kid).

And finally, she asks, Do you like SCENTED things? Like, when you buy laundry detergent, do you get the scented kind or the unscented? Do you like scented fabric softeners, scented soaps, scented drawer liners, etc.?
No, I do not like scented things. I buy unscented everything unless it's not available without a scent, in which case I go for the scent that smells the least like anything discernible.

Cady asks, What is your biggest pet peeve?
I hate it when people don't hold doors for the people behind them. I'm not saying they have to hold the door and let other people go through ahead of them. But please just see if there's someone behind you and avoid slamming the door in their face.

Lara is back with yet another question! This time she asks, Are you a religious person? Feel free to expound upon why or why not.
No, I'm not religious. I wasn't raised in a religious family and I never bought into the idea of organized religion at all, or even the idea of God. I totally understand how and why some people are able to believe in God and follow a particular religion, but it's just not for me. I try to be a good, moral person and that's good enough for me.

Bren J. asks, How did you end up in DC?
Originally I wanted to move to Chicago after graduation, but my internship there the summer before my senior year of college fell through and I wound up in DC mostly because that's where my sister lived. And I liked it a lot. Also, I had a crisis of idealism my senior year and decided that working in book publishing wasn't noble enough, so I applied my editing skills to the nonprofit world, which is vast in DC.

Emblita asks, Now that you have been to London and liked it so much- would you consider moving there if the opportunity arose?
Yes, we would. We are both EU citizens, so that makes this a real possibility. But who knows if or when the opportunity will arise.

And lastly, Fairy Dog Mother asks, What is your favorite part of Spain to spend time in and why?
I like the little towns in the Pyrenees. Probably because that's the area I know best, because I went there a couple times with my French host family when I was living in Toulouse.

Whew! I think I made it through everyone's questions. In answering all of them, I kept wondering what all of YOU would say in response to these. But asking you to answer all of them would be insane. So instead, I'll ask you this: Please pick one of the questions in this post, any one at all, and answer it in the comments. I am very curious to see what you pick and what you all have to say!

All fall down

Saturday was the first beautiful, summery day that I've really gotten to enjoy this year. It was hot enough that I wore only a skirt and a halter top when we went grocery shopping in the afternoon, and yet when we had hauled all the groceries inside, I was sweating and had to sit on the floor in front of the fan for a few minutes to recover. But even though I felt hot and sticky and gross, it was simultaneously enjoyable, because the breeze was so nice and the whole thing felt so summery.

And then on Saturday night we went out for dinner, and afterward decided to take a walk to enjoy the nice weather, which was great until it started pouring. We waited out the worst of it under an awning, but our best efforts to avoid damage were thwarted when I slipped in a giant mud puddle on our way to the Metro and fell--hard--on the sidewalk. I was fine in terms of all bones being intact and whatnot, but my entire left leg was covered with mud, and definitely smarting. At first I chalked it up to the initial shock of falling, but discovered that I had scraped myself up when I glanced down to see a charming mix of mud and blood all over my calf.

The Metro ride home was so awkward, and painful--all the dirt in my cuts was seriously burning, and lots of people were staring at me, which I didn't really appreciate since most of the stares didn't feel like the sympathetic, friendly type that I'd expect. They were more just stares of surprise and pure curiosity. I suppose it can be disconcerting to see someone covered with blood and dirt on the Metro on a Saturday night, but still. Come on.

Anyway, by the time we got home the dirt had all dried and wouldn't come off easily. But Torsten was so sweet and careful and helped me scrub the dirt off without actually screaming in pain, and then he very carefully applied Neosporin to the entire affected area.

Speaking of the affected area, I seriously considered posting a photo of it, but I decided that it really wouldn't be fair of me to gross you out like that, so I'll just tell you that it's a huge red patch (about the size of my hand, and I have big hands) on the left side of my calf, criss-crossed with bloody scratches that are each two or three inches long. And my knee is also red and has a big fat scrape on it too. It looks generally quite horrifying.

Anyway, last night Torsten and I switched sides of the bed so that I could sleep under the blankets with only my left leg sticking out, and can I tell you that it felt weird? I don't know how we each wound up with a side of the bed, but we definitely have them, and this was the first time in the course of our whole relationship that we had switched. Torsten didn't complain, though, and this morning he helped me disinfect everything again, and then arranged me on the couch and made breakfast for me, and then later gave me an extended back rub. Because he is a total sweetheart, and I would be a lot grumpier about this whole thing if it weren't for him.

Speaking of Torsten, you all had a few questions about him. First, Lara and Cady both want to know, How did you and Torsten meet?
We met on Craigslist. He posted an ad, I spent a few days deciding whether or not I wanted to answer it, decided that I did, and sent him an email. He spent a few days deciding whether or not he wanted to respond to me, decided he did, and wrote me back. The rest is history.

In a similar vein, Princess Pointful says, I wanna know about you and Torsten's first date!
About a week and a half after I sent that first email, Torsten and I met up for lunch on a Saturday at an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet. I was half an hour late and I am lucky that he waited for me. I underestimated how long the Metro would take. By the time we actually sat down at our table, it was nearly two o'clock. We didn't leave until after five. We also didn't eat that much. It wasn't until we went back to that restaurant on our six-month anniversary that we noticed that it actually wasn't very good.

Kat asks, What is the one thing about Torsten that drives you the nuttiest?
He has a tendency to overreact to small problems and panics easily. He learned this from his mother, who is an incredibly nervous person. For example, if there's turbulence on a flight, he thinks the plane is about to crash. Or if he has a toothache, he's already freaking out about having the tooth pulled and an implant put in. It scares me because sometimes when he panics, it's a legitimate problem, but it's hard for me to know when to take it seriously. He knows this is a problem, and he's gotten a lot better about it since I met him.

And finally, L Sass and Nicole Antoinette both want to know, When did you know that Torsten was "The One"? How?
There was a moment when I knew that I was in love with Torsten, but I'm less clear on whether there was a moment when I knew that I wanted to marry him. To be honest, both of us felt it even before we met, through our emails, but both of us dismissed it as being crazy, and maybe it was. I do remember that about a year ago, my mom asked me if I thought I was going to marry him, and I said yes without hesitation. And I was right!

So, anyway, back to the whole falling down and scraping up my leg thing... I do have photos, even though I haven't posted them. Do you want to see them?

In your face

So, yesterday I had my parathyroid scan. It didn't hurt or anything, but it was definitely not an experience that I'd recommend. Basically, it's like having three extended CT scans (not that I've ever had one of those). I feel very lucky that I don't really get claustrophobic.

First they gave me a radioactive injection into my bloodstream. The doctor was just in the middle of warning me that I would get a temporary but very gross taste in my mouth when it actually happened--almost immediately after he had administered the injection. It was a little weird to think about how quickly the injection had traveled from my elbow to my mouth, but I was distracted by the disgustingness that was actually IN my mouth. It was like that rush of saliva you get when you eat something sour, except that it tasted NASTY, sort of like latex gloves, only worse. Luckily it only lasted a few moments.

Then I had an eight-minute scan where I lay in the machine and a flat panel came down very, very close to my face to take an extended image of my parathyroid. It could not have been more than an inch above my face, which felt very much like the ceiling was closing in on me. Having the rest of my body in a cave-like machine and not being able to move at all only added to the feeling. It was very disconcerting knowing that I physically could not lift my head, that if I wanted or needed to sit up, I couldn't.

I dealt with it by closing my eyes and concentrating on lying perfectly still and breathing regularly. It worked fairly well. Still, it was such a relief when the eight minutes were up and the doctor brought me out of the machine.

The 25-minute test was even worse--it wasn't 25 straight minutes of that panel on my face, but it was still a very long time to lie still, and it included another ten minutes of the closeness. It was so long that they strapped my arms to my abdomen so that I'd be able to hold still for that long without bumping into the machine, which didn't help with the whole claustrophobia thing. Also, it's hard to breathe fully when you're inside a machine, a big panel is right in your face, and your arms are pressed tightly against your diaphragm. Also, for some reason I was freezing cold.

It was an incredible relief when the last scan was over and I was allowed to get out into the warm, open spring air. I walked the mile or so from the hospital to my office, enjoying the sun and the breeze and the smell of freshly cut grass. It was nice to be outside in the middle of the day for once. It almost made up for the hours I'd spent in a cold, enclosed space.

So tell me, have you ever had any memorable medical tests? What were they like?

Questions: Wedding edition, plus one for you!

More questions! This time about the wedding (and one question about marriage). And at the end--a very important question for you. Seriously, I really want to hear your answers. Now, onto your questions.

First up, from Lacey Bean: Since your wedding is going to be a purple masterpiece, I want to know how long you've had the obsession with the color purple, and how did it start?
Okay, this is only tangentially related to the wedding, but I'll answer it here anyway. To be honest, I don't totally know when my obsession with purple started. I remember that when I was around five years old, I told people that my favorite colors were pink, purple, and blue, but I don't remember when it was that I noticed that purple was far superior to the other two. It just feels like something I've always known.

Chelsea Talks Smack wants to know, What celebrity would you have be your wedding singer?
I am struggling quite a bit with this question, because I am trying to be really practical here and think of someone who is versatile and could sing every type of song, and I'm just not coming up with one. So I'll go with Bon Jovi, because, OMG. Although Torsten would probably prefer Guns N Roses.

Alice asks, What are you most looking forward to about being married?
I love this question! What I'm really looking forward to is a sense of... let's call it relaxed permanence. The feeling that you are officially In It Together, for life. And the fact that everyone else knows it too, and takes it seriously. And also, not having to worry quite as much if my period is late.

Dreamgrrl asks, If you could have 1 elaborate expense at your wedding and NOT have to pay for it - what would it be?
I am split here. I would go for a really insanely expensive photographer, who came as a team and photographed absolutely everything, and also did a trash the dress session and photos all over town. I love the photographer we have chosen and we got a good deal on him, so this is no criticism on him whatsoever. And I'm really excited about seeing our wedding photos, even though the wedding hasn't happened yet. Stellar photos are priceless.

Bacioni wants to know, Have you decided on the wedding fragrance yet (or at least narrowed the choices down)?
The short answer is no. The longer answer is that the amazing Jonniker knows everything there is to know about perfume and is going to help me decide. The longest answer will come in the form of a separate post once the decision-making process has begun (and possibly ended).

Swistle asks, When the bride and groom leave, sometimes there is rice, or birdseed, or bubbles, or something like that. Will you be having something thrown/blown at you?
We haven't decided that yet. Definitely not rice or birdseed. I like the idea of bubbles, but our wedding is at night so I'm not sure how visible they'll be. Maybe sparklers (obviously not thrown--just held)? Or maybe we won't do any kind of grand exit at all. I'm still torn about the idea of leaving our own party early. I just don't know.

And lastly, Hazel wants to know, Can we see a picture of your engagement ring?


Now, since we're talking about relationships here, I have a question for you all. I've noticed that Torsten and I pretty much never use each other's actual names when we're talking to each other. We talk about each other using actual names all the time. But when I talk to him I usually call him Sweetie, and he usually calls me Cutie. Pretty much always, really.

So my question is, is it just us? Do you (or did you, if you're currently single) call your significant other by their given name when talking directly to them? Or do you always use a nickname? If so, what is it?

Germany (and London): Photo recap

Last night I battled jet lag to upload and sort through our photos from London and Germany. My eyes were red, but we had American Idol, the Mavericks-Hornets game, and election coverage to keep us awake. The photos kept me awake too, of course, because they reminded me of what a great trip it was.

First of all, even though the forecast called for rainy, 50-degree weather throughout our trip, we had surprisingly nice and springlike weather the whole time. One day in London was crazy, with rain one minute, sunshine the next, then both simultaneously five minutes after that. And the next day was gorgeous. Just check out that sky.



I LOVED London. I sort of thought I would, and Torsten, who lived there for three years before he moved to the US, said that I would, and also I had been there before, but only in 1995, and I hardly remembered it. But wow, it was great. It was just the perfect city. It's sophisticated but not snobby, and beautiful and complex, and each little neighborhood is like its own mini city. Often after I spend a few days in a city, I feel like I've more or less seen it all, but in London I knew I hadn't even gotten to the tip of the iceberg. AND the city buses are double decker, so I got the luxury of seeing the sights from the top of a bus without paying exorbitant tourist fees. How much more perfect could it get?



Basically, I want to go back to London. Although we had a good time in Germany too. The weather there was also surprisingly nice and mild. We didn't do much--we weren't there for long, and it would have bothered Torsten's mother quite a bit if we'd gone jaunting off to faraway towns like last time. So we stuck around his hometown, walking around the city, hiking a little trail that Torsten loved as a kid, and visiting a garden show. It was very peaceful. And very nice.



So! Since we're talking about travel today, let's address your questions that have to do with that subject.

First, The Tomball Three asks, How many countries have you visited and what are they?
Outside of the US, obviously, I've visited Canada, England, Ireland, France, Spain, Germany, the Czech Republic, Poland, and Senegal. So I guess that means I've visited nine foreign countries.

Ashley D asks, If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why?
This question stumps me because there are so many places I want to visit. My practical side wants to say Antarctica, because I want to visit all seven continents and that one is the most difficult and expensive to get to. So if I could travel anywhere, that would have to be it, since I would be more likely to get to the other places later. But high on the list are also Japan, Thailand, Australia, New Zealand, Chile, and Panama.

Alexa asks, What is the most outrageous thing you witnessed while in Germany?
Ummmmm. Wow, this is a really tough question. I haven't really seen anything outrageous in Germany, and particularly not on this last trip, which was very low-key. Let's see. Last time we were there some woman backed into Torsten's parked car without even looking behind her, then flipped out at him and called him an asshole like it was his fault. That was pretty outrageous. Although not specifically German. Does that count?

The Frog Princess has two questions, both travel-related. The first is, What is your favourite German food? Please describe in detail.
There is a lot of really yummy German food, including schnitzel, bratwurst, and black forest cake. But my absolute favorite has got to be mett. I had never heard of it before my last trip to Germany, but it is basically minced pork meat from the inside of a sausage. It's served raw, usually on a baguette with onion. And it is SO GOOD.

The second is, Based on this last trip, what is one touristy thing that I absolutely must see/do while I'm in London in July?
Oh man. This is impossible. If Torsten were answering this question, he would say the London Eye, which is a HUGE wheel above the Thames, like a Ferris Wheel only much, much bigger. It takes about half an hour to go around and you are in a big glass capsule with like 20 other people. It provides fantastic views. Of course, it also costs about 13 pounds, which is a lot considering the exchange rate. But it was fun. Still, it wasn't my favorite part of the trip. I would suggest walking the Millennium Mile, which has the added bonus of taking you past Tower Bridge, which I love. Also, I'd take one of the normal double decker buses, and try to ride in the front at the top--on some routes, you get a great view of lots of the sites, and it doesn't cost nearly as much as the sightseeing bus tours. But really, you just can't go wrong with London. That city is AMAZING.

You can see the full set of photos here.

Germany: In-laws edition

Hi! This time I'm really back! We got home last night after 20 straight hours of traveling (note to self: never again agree to fly through Dallas when going from Europe to the East Coast. It will add approximately 6 hours to your trip). I'm sorry to say that I was way too exhausted to do anything with photos, like upload them or organize them, so a full trip recap with photos will have to wait until tomorrow. Today I thought I'd go into a discussion of the in-laws, since that part doesn't really need photos.

So, first of all, things with Torsten's parents went really well. Everything was much more relaxed than last time, and his mother was really nice and not at all passive-aggressive. Both his parents were really friendly to me, and even managed to discuss wedding stuff with us without getting shocked and appalled expressions at their face (assumption being that appalled faces have to do with cost of wedding and not idea of their son marrying me of all people, but you never know).

And the biggest miracle of all is that his mother did NOT say anything to him about how he is always welcome to come home if things don't work out with me! She hardly even cried when she said goodbye, AND she hugged me like five times and seemed sad to see me go too, AND when she was saying goodbye to me she said all sorts of nice things in German, which means that I didn't really understand them but I understood enough to tell that they were nice!

Plus, Torsten's dad's birthday party was great. It lasted for about eight hours and even though I don't speak the language, I had a great time and wasn't bored until the last hour or so, when everyone started feeling the effect of all the beer they had drunk and having long, drawn-out conversations that Torsten didn't translate. His whole extended family was really nice and friendly, even the ones that Torsten said aren't usually that nice. And a couple of them spoke basic English, so I actually managed to have a few conversations over the course of the evening.

And Torsten's dad gave a toast thanking everyone for coming, and he talked about how wonderful his wife was, and then he talked about how wonderful Torsten was, and then he talked about how wonderful I was. I didn't understand most of what he was saying, but I could tell that it was sweet and well-intentioned, and I really appreciated the gesture.

Basically, unlike last time, I actually felt included in the family on this trip, and it seemed that his parents felt that way too. And it was such a relief after the sensation I had last time of not being part of the family at all.

Even his grandmother was nice, and she is never nice. She seems to like me a lot, although it's hard to tell why since we can't actually have a conversation at all. The first time she saw me she went on about how much weight I had lost and how good I looked. Of course, then she negated that the next time by telling Torsten that she couldn't believe how much weight I had lost, and that I must have been really fat before. Oh, and she also asked him if I would go with him if he ever moved away from DC. Because apparently marriage means something different in the US than it does in Germany. Still, though, she wasn't being mean or malicious when she asked those questions--she's just an old woman and slightly confused and definitely tactless. So I choose not to take offense.

Anyway, you guys asked a bunch of great questions yesterday (and if you haven't asked one yet, feel free to go back and do so now!), and I do not want to answer them all at once, because oh my god that would be a really long post. So instead, I will try to answer the questions in posts that they are relevant to. And there was one question yesterday about in-laws, so I will go ahead and answer it now. It's from Marie, who asks, "If you could tell your soon to be mother-in-law what you really think of her (without any repercussions), what would you say?"

My answer to this question probably would have been a lot different before this last trip. Given how well things went this time, I don't actually have that much I would feel compelled to say to her. Before, I would have had plenty to say about how I would really like her to accept that even though I'm American and likely to keep her son from ever moving in next door with her, he is happy with me and that should be the most important thing to her, as his mother. And also probably something about her, er, frugality.

But at the moment I'm in a pretty good mood about the whole in-law thing, so I will end by focusing on the positive. My future parents-in-law like me! I think! And I like them too.

This post brought to you by the past.

Hi! It's me, but I'm not actually home yet. Even though you are reading this post on Monday, I wrote and published it on Friday, because Blogger finally has a scheduled posting feature, and it is so great. So while you are reading this, Torsten and I are actually on a plane, most likely somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean.

So! Your job during the last day of my absence? No, it's not highly original. Tons of other bloggers have been doing it. And I love reading it on their blogs. So now I'm going to join in.

Please, ask me a question. Anything you want. And then all the questions will be waiting for me when I get home and I will get to work answering them later this week.

I'll be back tomorrow, in real time, with photos and trip recap. (London! And in-laws! And everything else that is fascinating!)

In the meantime, I hope you all had a great week! I am excited to see and answer all your questions.

Jess in Germany: Guest Post #5

Since Jess is in Europe and I used to live in Europe, I don’t think I could be any more qualified to guest post today.

What? That’s not the criteria for a successful guest post?

Fine….

Oh, this is Nicole Antoinette from More is Better by the way.

And the thing about me is that I’m obsessed with cheesecake. Not just “oh, cheesecake is good.” Nope. I’m so obsessed with cheesecake that whenever it comes up in conversation, I have to take a few minutes and convince whoever I’m talking to that I Love Cheesecake More Than They Do And More Than Anyone Ever Has In The History Of The Earth. It goes something like this:

Unsuspecting person: “I had such delicious cheesecake last night.”
Me: “Stop it, I LOVE cheesecake.”
UP: “Me too! It’s the best! Definitely my favorite dessert.”
Me: “No you don’t get it. I LOVE CHEESECAKE. I’m serious, I love it. If you put it in front of me I can’t not eat it. No matter what. No matter how full I am and what time of day it is. I LOVE CHEESECAKE.”
UP: “Right… yeah, it’s really good.” (this is usually when they give me a strange look and try to change the subject.)
Me (not yet satisfied with their level of convincement* regarding me and cheesecake): “One time I ate an entire cheesecake by myself in one night. I just couldn’t stop, I’m that addicted.”
UP: blank stare
Me: I LOVE CHEESECAKE

And yet despite having had many of the above conversations, I’m pretty sure that at some point I’ll get sick of cheesecake and move on. Because that’s what I do, I go through favorites (food, music, color- even people) in phases. And I don’t really know from moderation, I’m either all in or all out. I’m either obsessed or bored and totally over it.

That’s how it went down with the Raisin Squares.

I’m not even sure they make Raisin Squares anymore, but I used to eat them all the time when I was little. Basically, they’re like those mini wheats but with a raisin inside. And I could not get enough of them. My mom would leave them in the milk until they got soggy and soft enough for me to eat. And I loved them. I ate them every single morning for two years and then one day I just wasn’t feeling the Raisin Squares anymore.

And that was that.

Now? I hate raisins and can’t eat anything that has even been in proximity to a raisin. And the moral of the story is that I’m terrified of this happening with cheesecake, which yes, I know, is a pretty ridiculous fear given everything that’s actually going wrong in the world.

But what if I suddenly don’t like cheesecake anymore? What will I replace it with? What are other good obsession foods?! **

Maybe if I have a list of backup What to Do If I Start Hating Cheesecake foods I’ll feel better.

*I know convinement isn't a word. But it totally should be.
**Yes, I’m actually asking.

Jess in Germany: Guest Post #4

Hello, Friends of Jess. Pessimistic Redhead here. I was beyond flattered when Jess asked me to guest post for her. Not only is this the first time I have performed this duty, but also, it’s for Jess! One of my favorite bloggers and a talented writer. She has a certain way with words that never fails to evoke some sort of emotion in me. This added a level of pressure to this guest posting gig: What the hell was I going to talk about?

I could give you a peek into my relationship. I could complain about my job. Or, I could write about my Super Nephew and his struggle with his autism diagnosis. But, HELLO. Downer City. And yes, I may be Pessimistic but I pride myself with the ability to make people smirk every once in awhile (sometimes even on purpose). I also wanted to give you a stand-alone story. As in, I didn’t want to have to give any back story. My guest post needed to be like an episode of Law & Order—even if you’re never watched it before, you can tune in to one episode and know enough to understand what’s going on.

So, here’s what I came up with. I hope you like it. And, if not, stop by my blog and leave a snarktastic comment. I love visitors.

I was a waitress for five years of my life. Dealing with the general public when there is alcohol involved is bound to provide you with a few ohmysweetjesus moments. There was the time I found a wig that a customer had left behind. The time a barefooted David Casssidy came into the place I waited tables, lit a cigar, and was dumbfounded to find out you couldn’t smoke—or go barefoot—in a restaurant. The time my best friend and roommate wrote, “I’m a whore!” on one of my guest slips, only to have me ask a busgirl to give the receipt to a customer without looking at it. But my favorite waitressing story? It’s gotta be this one.

It was a weekend summer night at the seafood restaurant where I worked, and I was in the weeds. Table 104 needed another glass of chardonnay and another tartar sauce. The little girls at table 62 needed 2 more kid sized Shirley Temples and some napkins. Poor table 76 had been seated for more than 10 minutes and I had only dropped off rolls and waters. Table 61 was ready to order and could I place put the kids’ meals in right away? And table 63? Well, table 63 needed to have their credit card swiped so they could pay and leave.

I rang some food into the computer, ran into the kitchen and picked up the wine, some drinks, napkins, rolls, and food that had come up for one of my tables. I gave the 1 finger sign to 63 as I ran by them, signaling I would be right over to pick up their credit card. When I was on my way to table 63, 76 flagged me down and I was forced to take the dinner orders of all 6 people who were sitting there. Of course, each one of them needed the salad dressings repeated, there was a food allergy at the table (note to people with allergies: eat at home), and one of them ordered the salmon filet roasted on a cedar plank—a dish that takes 45 minutes to cook. Knowing that the kitchen was already backed up, I ducked over to the computer to ring in their order. Then, I had to run past table 63 into the kitchen to call in the food allergy to the chef, so he could roll his eyes and yell at me for taking special orders on a weekend. You’re right, Chef. Let’s just give this woman pine nuts. She probably carries an Epi pen. Anaphylactic shock? Schmanaphylactic shock. We’re weeded, people.

Finally, I made my way over to 63.

“I am so, so sorry folks!” I said as I swooped down to get the credit card and ran over to the computer machine.

“Table 63 fucking hates me,” I muttered to my friend stacking dishes into a bus bucket as I swiped the credit card and fished a pen out of my apron pocket. “I’ll be lucky to get 15%.”

I rip the check off the printer and drop the check tray off at table 63.

“Sorry for the delay, folks. Thanks, and have a good night.”

I sprint into the kitchen to get salads for table 76. On my way out, I notice table 63 is still sitting there. Odd. They seemed in a hurry to get out of here.

As I’m walking by them, above the din of the crowded dinning room, I hear the phrase every waitress dreads.

“Excuse me, miss?"

Shit, I think to myself. On top of everything else, there is something wrong with the bill.

Balancing a tray with 6 salads, I turn around to face the man sitting at table 63.

“I think your pen is out of ink.”

I look at the man’s right hand where he is waving what is supposed to be the pen I gave him to sign his credit card slip with. But that’s not a pen.

Instead of a pen, he is holding a Super Absorbency OB Tampon.

Oh shit.

Oh fuck.

Oh FUCK.

In my haste to slap down a pen with the charge slip, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket.

Which I then put on a customer’s table.

“I—I’m so, so sorry,” I stammer, mortified. My pale freckly skin is now the color of my hair.
My words fall on deaf ears. The man and his wife, along with the other couple at the table, are laughing so hard they can’t even hear me. I pluck the tampon out of his hand, throw a pen on the table, and run into the waitress station.

By this point, all of the waitresses and busgirls have heard the laughter and are looking over at table 63. They saw the tampon incident, and they are equally amused.

By the end of the night, my bosses have heard, a few regulars have heard, and even the non-English speaking guys in the back manage to grasp the story. Everyone is enjoying the story of me giving a man a tampon in lieu of a Bic. I worked there for 2 more years.

And still haven’t heard end of it.

Jess in Germany: Guest Post #3

I'm Stephanie, usually writing over in my little corner of the earth, and I've been entrusted by Jess with her Blogger password and administrative powers this week to ensure that the guest posting goes smoothly. Thus far, it's been successful.

So it seems as though Jess's readers miss her. Hundreds of you flock to her site daily and leave insightful comments, but this week you've gone away. I need you to come back though, because I need help.

I'm going to be featured in an upcoming issue of a magazine. Which magazine, you ask? Well, I'd love to tell you but because my mom recently told me she Googles my name regularly for fun, to see what's on the internet about me, and I don't really want her to find my blog (she found my Linked In - business networking! - profile and thought it was an online dating site), we'll have to play charades.

Magazine.
Two words.
First word - not fake, but _ _ _ _.
Second word - not difficult, but _ _ _ _ _ _. Got it?

Anyway, this article is on women and spending habits, and since I live in New York City, work at a nonprofit and have a penchant for expensive restaurants, I was one of the women chosen for the feature, which I'm thrilled about. I'll document every single expenditure for a whole month, then they'll set me up with a financial advisor who will likely tell me to stop eating out and I will whine that I refuse to cook in an apartment with mice.

The magazine is sending a photographer and hair/makeup person to my (run-down, slum-like) apartment on Saturday morning to take photos for the issue. Not only am I completely paranoid about the lack of space for a photo crew in my 600 square foot 2-bedroom, but there has been a mouse making cameo appearances in my living room for the past two weeks and my apartment is only slightly nicer than a rent-controlled slum and also? I have NO IDEA what to wear.

The casting editor suggested the following: "summery", "khaki", "cute". This does not help me in the least bit. A dress or a skirt? Capris or bermuda shorts? Short sleeves or spaghetti straps? I don't want to wear anything too flowy or too tight.
I like the above outfit, but maybe it looks too old (I'm 24)?

I really liked this dress until I saw that it was denim. A denim dress? Maybe it won't seem so denim-y in person, but all-denim outfits are generally never good.

So my question to you is: If your mug (and outfit!) were going to be permanently documented in a national magazine for the general public to see, and you were approximately 5'8" with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes (oh, and skin that hasn't seen the sun in a while), what would you wear?

Jess in Germany: Guest Post #2

Jess is in Germany. Sigh. Whilst I have grown to love and respect her, I cannot help but to admit my rampant and flagrant jealousy over her trip, because I am mature. Hi, I write over at Each Of The Two ,and today I wanted to share one of my loves; travel.

I am madly and desperately in love with going to new places, seeing new things and immersing my self as much as I can in the culture and not the touristy novelties, even if that means eating tripe soup (cow stomach, yeeeeeeaaaaah.) Ever since I was little girl I dreamed of seeing the world. The WHOLE world. I would make up stories of how I was an archaeologist in Egypt, a photographer in China, a merchants daughter in Italy, a journalist in Brazil, you name it I dreamed it, I lived an incredibly active imaginary travel life. Imaginary, thats just what it was. See my parents never had loads of money, oh we weren't poor and I have no memories of doing without, but we definitely didn't have the money to go on vacations, our family vacations where limited to just that, FAMILY. Our two travels a year where to my Oma's at Thanksgiving and my Grandmother's in the summer, and maybe a trip to a nearby theme park for a day of roller coasters, but thats it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter, but I always dreamed of more. I think my Dad could sense that, because the summer before I, the oldest, went to college my family went on our first real trip, my Dad saved for what must have been years to take his family of five to London to visit family friends and then to Ireland for a week to show us all the places my parents had gone on their honeymoon 20 years before! My first time over seas! It was beyond mind blowing, I can attest that not only did it change my life permanently but changed my out look on who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live and enjoy life. To this day, London is still my favorite city and I have been back four times, even for a short stint of living.

Not only did that trip give me the realization that my childhood dreams of traveling the world were possible, but gave me the confidence that I would achieve it. It also gave me a eye opening to seeing and experiencing places and cultures within my own country, something that had never interested me prior, and honestly still holds less appeal than abroad but obviously remains far more available time wise and money wise.

As soon as I hit grad school I found a way to convince the school to give me a scholarship to study non-traditional performance spaces and used that time and money for a month-long stay in Italy. The paper? Bullshit. The experience? One that cannot ever be duplicated. And I have never regretted deceiving anyone for that opportunity.

Everyone makes goals of "things I want to do before I die" If you thought of it right now I'm sure you could have a list over a hundred before the hour is out, but it would prove far harder to narrow it down to a top 10 or even a top 5. By the time I was sixteen I knew what my top 5 were and to this day they haven't changed. One of which was "before I die I want to know what the inside of the Sistine Chapel smells like." Not looks like, I can see it in books, and the internet, but SMELLS like, I had to be there, I had to walk the same tiles as Michelangelo, I had to crick my neck at the same angle, I had to know the texture of the dust in the air, the flavor of the humidity, the subtle and dying fragrance of the fresco dye and plaster lingering almost ghostlike in my nostrils.At the age of twenty three I walked with trepidation into that Chapel and was overcome with emotion. Overcome with what how lucky I was to be there at such a young age and the sheer glory and majesty that history had afforded for such a location to still be in existence. I am not ashamed to admit the tears of joy rolling silently down my face.I have no pictures of this, none are allowed in the Sistine Chapel, but it doesn't matter, if you want to see it, go online or buy a book, if you want to FEEL it ... well that's a whole other story. I don't need pictures, I still have the feeling.

Every year I make sure to go somewhere. Even if its just in my "backyard". I am not rich, In fact I am in debt from school, but I travel light, I travel smart. I never stay in nice places because I am not there to sleep (I mostly stay in Hostels), I am there to experience, I never eat in touristy areas, they are more expensive and less accurate to local cuisine and I make sure to research all my options a head of time, and not just museums or whatnot. I research maps and public transportation, I find out if a tour is worth paying for (most aren't, though the Vatican is and so is Chesky Krumlov), I look at what I can get with a student ID and update my international one, I try to find every trick in the book to make my time and money count.

Better than any gift I can hold is the gift of memories and experiences.

Jess in Germany: Guest Post #1

Today's guest post is written by Lisa of I don't think it's going to rain.

If you're ever looking to make a quick best friend, here's a little tip from a pro: tell him/her lots of secrets. Telling secrets is one the top 3 best ways to make and keep a friend.

Jess and I are recent blogofriends. Blogofriend stage 1 is comment on blogs. Blogofriend stage 2 is email each other about something non-blog related. Blogofriend stage 3 is talk on gchat all day. Blogofriend stage 4 is to use gchat to giggle about boys.

Jess and I recently reached stage 4. So of course we talked about virginity or lack thereof.

For my guest post today, I present to you the top 11 most frequent scenarios in which one loses their virginity:

scenario 1: Sit around waiting for perfect boy
scenario 2: Get bored of waiting for perfect boy, so date just some okay guy for a few weeks then figure heck, you might as well.
scenario 3: Select random play on your match.com profile
scenario 4: Hire somebody
scenario 5: Become a really expensive call girl (people pay big bucks for virgins, right?)
scenario 6: Get drunk at a party and hook up with a random
scenario 7: Get drunk with you best male friend then pretend it never happened
scenario 8: Get drunk with your best male friend after finally confessing your true feelings
scenario 9: Sober with your best male friend after finally confessing your true feelings
scenario 10: Sober with your best male friend then pretend it never happened
scenario 11: Wedding night

As much as I'd love to make a histogram with made up data for the frequency of each type of occurance, I've got a job to do here. And that is to assist anybody looking for advice on when/where/why to swipe their V card.

When making your decision about which scenario to pick, there are four main criteria. Each is weighted in brackets, based on how much that criterion should factor into your decision:

-non-awkwardness (Weight: 3) where 10 is not at all awkward is 1 is more awkward that last week's episode of the office
-hilarity (Weight: 2) where 1 is lame and 10 is that it would make the best blog post ever
-will it crush your heart? (Weight: 3) where 10 is no heart-crushing and 1 is you will never be happy again, probably
-takes too long (Weight: 1, Justification: I am patient) where 1 is quick and 10 is "I hope you have a good book to read"

I really like making decisions based on cold hard numbers, so a decision making matrix can seriously come in handy.

	Non-awkward (3)		Hilarity (2)
Scenario	Score	Points	Score	Points
Wait for perfection	9	27	4	8
Might as well	5	15	4	8
Match.com	2	6	9	18
Hire	2	6	8	16
Be hired	2	6	5	10
Random	5	15	5	10
Drunk/ignore	3	9	6	12
Drunk/confess	6	18	4	8
Sober/confess	9	27	3	6
Sober/ignore	1	3	9	18
Wedding night	5	15	3	6

	Heart crushing? (3)		Time (1)		TOTAL
Scenario	Score	Points	Score	Points
Wait for perfection	10	30	2	2	67
Might as well	5	15	8	8	46
Match.com	1	3	10	10	37
Hire	1	3	10	10	35
Be hired	1	3	?		?
Random	2	6	8	8	39
Drunk/ignore	2	6	8	8	35
Drunk/confess	5	15	8	8	49
Sober/confess	10	30	8	8	71
Sober/ignore	1	3	8	8	32
Wedding night	10	30	1	1	52

Sorry, I don't really know how one would go about becoming a prostitute (but feel free to leave a comment, should you have any insight!)

Anyway, as you can see, the clear winner is just straight up telling that best "friend" that you've been harboring feelings about. However, should you not have a best friend, this matrix should inform you that sitting around waiting is the second best option.

I sort of wish I came to a more hilarious conclusion (though I'll point out that ignoring last night is even worse that hiring somebody), but there you have it!

Feel free to fight my system and outcome in the comments!